The EN of ME

2009-10-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

***blank****

hahahahaa!!

damn!! i have soo many things in my head, it's not bout i duno where to start...
but as soon as i wana start typing....... my brain becomes completely blank!!

klakar seram kan...

haizz...

but all i noe now, i don't think i'm in my good mood...
i get cranky every now and den... emo, and head-spins too...

high-blood pressure ker...??

and getting quite forgetful sumtimes too...

Aiyo!!

i really need a BREAK from everything...

totally EVERYTHiNG!!!

*sigh*

2009-09-19T23:34:00.002+08:00

SALAM LEBARAN MiNAL AiDiLWALFA'iZIN,
MAAF ZAHiR & BATiN.... ;)

a month ago, i'm so freaking excited..
can't wait for "Syawal" to come..
and as "Syawal" came today, i'm so reluctant to celebrate and have fun with it...
i wonder why.... :(

Wat's wrong wif me...
or....
wat's wrong wif "HiM"

it's FREAKiNG WEiRD on how just a "ONE STOOPiD PERSON" cud change da entire feeling and emotions dat you have towards something.. in fact everything...

"i will not give in this time...."

2009-09-12T11:19:00.003+08:00

THAT'S GONA BE DA LAST ONE....

Am sorry baby,
We both feel it, we both have it...
and we both too, confused and hanging....

it's not your fault,
you do have your rights....
i shudnt be annoyed...
as we both are solo and unattached...

but sumhow or rather i duno why it hurts inside....

BEFORE,
u give me the honour to give the approval to when we can start a relationship..
BUT LATER DEN,
u disappoint me when u confesses that "lemme tell you when it's ready to move on to da nxt step"

the truth hurts.....

had sensed those surreal feeling that we first had was deteriorating...
i told myself "mayb he's just too bz rite now, give him space won't you..."

but again,
last night tells it all...

your sweet words, thoughts, and actions...
is it genuine?
do u use "dat" to every lady u've known??
or was it just a fallacy of my own mind...?

baby.....
i know that i had told u dat i'm a skeptic and a very doubtful person...

but i don't wana end it juz yet....
i don't want dose dat we had as momentary glimpse for me....

but again,
i don't know what's ur feeling towards me right now....
are we still da "weird couple" dat u have had said before??

i'm really tired of hoping, searching and looking....
guess i better concentrate on stabilizing myself and my passion...

And as for you baby,
last night gona be our last........

unlessss............

miracles happens?
if GOD permits....?
or if i'm in my fickle state?
or u suddenly pop out in front of me.. *hehehee*

*sigh*

well, i'm still curious wif wat can happen to us baby....
maybe.... just maybe.... coz my liking for you had grown to feeling of LOVE??

i'm screwed.....

2009-09-06T21:02:00.003+08:00

It's a dead end!!
It's totally SUCKS!!
times like this i just feel like my whole life is a total wreck!!!

It's damn hard to get a new job!
and i'm desperately NOW!! WANT A NEW JOB!!
a STABLE one!! Wif CPF!! BONUSES!! BENEFITS!!
Damn!!
i juz need that fucking one more 'O' level credits to actually qualify for ANY kind of gvt job...
and pathetically, to make things worst, despite of not spending 3yrs in poly, my design diploma was not frm NAFA or LASALLE either, in another word, it's unknown... -.-
KNN!!!

*who's to blame?????!!!*

i'm not getting younger now, and this is really a DAMN bloody big issue for me now!!
shud i pursue studying? (but wher da hell can i get the money??!!) or juz get any random job which pays me better??

FUCKED!!!
i'm totally pissed now...

i want A JOOOOBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!

*help?*

2009-09-02T14:11:00.002+08:00

RELIEVED.........

(tu lah org ckp sabar, sabar..... tak reti2... wakakakakaa!!! ;p)

2009-09-01T21:29:00.002+08:00

i juz feel like blogging but i duno wat to blog...
hahahaa!!
**blonde moments**

there are too many things going on, and i duno wher to start....

firstly,
thank god, i HAVE move on...
(coz he still drinks dammit!! OMFG!!... speechless yet smiling sheepishly...)

secondly...
searching drastically for a new JOB!!!

THirDLy.....
searching for true, stable, satisfied, long-lasting, relationship or also known as LOVE...

i really duno where, how, when to start....

EEEERRGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-30T20:44:00.009+08:00

it's hella roller-coaster ride for the past 2weeks...
happy-confused-high-sad-clueless-eager-agitated-anxious-mundane-lethargic-down.....

yeah, it's kinda too fast to predict....
it's kinda too fast to judge anything.....
in fact practically, it's tooooo damn fast to be happy or satisfied bout it coz it's totally insane!!
totally stooopid!!!
totally ridiculous for me to think it will work out in da first place....
despite da surreal feeling and dat tingling sensation everytime he txted me since da first meet up...
GOSH!! honestly it's totally unexplainable.............. (in a good way... dat's da sucky part!!)

Although it's not "finalize" yet, although there's still hope, although this and dat.........
it's still a 50/50 thing which me, being a skeptical and a pessimistic biatch cudnt resist of thinking dat wat if it's not meant to be...... Eeergghh!!! this is totally and absolutely ANNOYING!!!

and my job is killing me inside day by day....
those ppl drive me INSANE!!!!!
frm da head, to da assistant, well in fact the whole family associates wif dem all!!
do this and dat, discounts here and dere... WDF??!!
charity work keper??

so now, wat i need most is MY STABILITY, den can proceed to my LOVE life and so on....

but it's just so hard to concentrate and focus now....
damn...

**txt him while typing halfway thru my blog...
now i'm totally clueless to wat i am towards him....
da hot kisses had become more than dat now....
so am i juz dat "sumone" or a sumone which he actually really wana work things out...
Eeerghh!! this is so unnecessary for my braincells!! FUCKED!!!

Ouh... another thing...
mantan ku sudah ada pacar baru lagi sih....
Nyahahahahaa!!!
seriously not bothered, juz being me-kaypo!! ;p

2009-08-22T16:07:00.005+08:00

It's been almost 5 months being a single-an... wakakaa
moving on to another relationship..??
well, who doesn't want rite.... hahaa..

but......

is it safe?
is it ok?
how long will it last??
will it stay sweet and nice and funny, despite watever kinda shit happens...??

i do have doubts....
but i do wana commit...

i do wana learn wat's love all about all over again,
but i'm afraid da tiny bits of shit frm my past mite soiled the purity of it...

but again...
isn't it too fast??

i mean wat if it's juz another game...
or another passerby, or a jerk, a pervert??!!! yikes!

weird uh, how's da mind work....
it's hard to believe da good things which happened to oneself, but easily believe dat bad things happens always...

but yeah...
if it's meant to be, it's meant to be....
and vice versa.....

As for now, it seems so SURREAL!!
It's too good to be true....
and on top of dat all, he's a complete stranger...

DAMN!!
i really need to do my research fast....
but i dun wana seem desperate.. if u noe wat i mean... ;p

girls......................
wish me luck... ;)

InsyaAllah....

2009-08-22T15:52:00.002+08:00

::SALAM RAMADHAN::

Selamat menyambut bulan yang penuh barakah ini ya.
Moga segala amal ibadat yg dilakukan berlimpah2 pahalanye yer....
InyaAllah.. Amin.. ;)

2009-08-20T22:24:00.005+08:00

Last but not least before i end updating my blog for today..............

CEH!!

heheheheee....

i think i'm falling again........................................

GO FIGURE!!

i won't disclose much details till it's totally confirm and official...
Nyahahahahaa!!

To summarize it, i'm tired of Hanky-Pankying around la...
Hope this one works!! For GOOD!!

Bless me girls!!
Amin.. ;)

LOve yOu & MisS u aLL!!

12 AUGUST, LADY GAGA concert!!!

2009-08-20T22:19:00.003+08:00

I'm like freakingly updating my blog now!!
but blog as usual, sakit blom baik2 lagi... so sorry la if no pics uploaded yer....

Hmmm... wat else ya....

12 AUGUST, LADY GAGA concert!!!

awesome-ness!!

thou she was late! but da show was SUPERB!! BRiLLIANT!!!
Thumbs up Dumbie BLond!! ;p

BRADDELL HEIGHT BERDANSA RAYE EVENT

2009-08-20T22:11:00.002+08:00

BRADDELL HEIGHT BERDANSA RAYE EVENT

Well, i'm totally shocked when i came into the hall and saw a lot of makciks and pakciks...
and da fast song... it sounds so familiar dat i am totally "seram" to enter dat hall...

LAGU DANGDUT LAH SIOL!!!!

Makkaww!! dah mcm Silver tortoise cheaper version ehk...

Saap!!
when my turn and Fairuz to sing, it was a total silent...
Selamat tak kene campak gelas ke, mee siam yg bau muntah tu ker...
if not, pat CGH la aku skrng....

Aiyo kak Juwita!!
nxt time tell us properly la da agenda...
She actually invite us to actually sing/perform for the Guest-Of-Honour...

Haiz... no comments...

2009-08-20T22:02:00.004+08:00

SHOWQUEST 2009

Was invited to perform for the Showquest Finals as a guest performance..
Damn, too bad didnt get the video of it...

Was kinda fun la.. Get to met Izzy and da rest of da past contestants.. Ala-ala re-union like dat...
The touching part, Memotz(guys) Mimi and Fairuz came down!! and Fairuz bring along some of his drama juniors... Touching keper...

Nyehehehee!! ;p

REMPUH GATEAWAY!!!!

2009-08-20T21:51:00.002+08:00

REMPUH GATEAWAY!!!

well, after da GFO's concert, me and some friends (i CAN'T mentioned names!!) went to Batam for a short trip in conjunction of the Singapore's National Day.. ( so much of being a Singaporean)

It was ok la, i kena diarhoea sia!!!
Vomitted in front of our hotel room... Classic!!

I duno wat's da problem, but yea, it spoils my holiday!!!

but i did manage to get my hair done, coz dat's da ULTIMATE motive to be there!!
da price was not dat fantastic la ( as in cheap), but i did had it layered when i'm back in SG..

GFO's - THE NEXT PAGE

2009-08-03T23:57:00.014+08:00

::GFO's - THE NEXT PAGE 010809::

The show was awesome-ness...
my first own "Show" which i'm so proud of...
I'm so honoured, glad, thankful, that i'm being invited to perform in this concert.
*thnx Richard ;)*

i really feel like a superstar...
hopefully one day... *Amin*

below are some pictures taken from the event.

Enjoys!!

i'm missing it already..... *sob*

2009-07-06T00:13:00.010+08:00

suddenly, siti start to be jiwang and i was like wdf??!!!!
while i'm like so emo this wkend.....
while ila was in her own world smiling to herself since wed/thurs i think, pfft, i too emo to realize...

AARGHH!!!

iLA in DRAMA club, but iTiT is da one so JiWANG and i'm da one been CRYiNG diz week..

Wakakakakakakaa!!!
LAMEness... ;p

2009-07-05T22:35:00.005+08:00

JAMMiNG WAS EXTREMELY FUN!!!
i swear i'm not lying that i cant wait for 1st August!!
instead of a song, i'm actually singing 2 songs for GFO Charity event...
I'm so thankful to all of you, especially to Richard for inviting me to join you guys for this event.
I'm truly honoured. TOTALLY!!!

Did practise "LiSTEN" by beyonce, and it was awesome-ness!!
BESTnyerrr!!
i got to perform the live version one....
will link it, once i post it on youtube our practise...

Well, other than dat,BALiiiiiii!!!
flying off diz coming Saturday!!!
cant wait!! cant wait!!! cant wait!!!!
*but duit comm belom masok sak!! takpe takpe takpe bisa diatur*

and baru nak senang2 kn, ader jek terjumpe ker terpijak ker or terlihat taik, dah depan mater nyah, dah "TER"nampak kn, nak buat aper...

But i guess it's life la uh, when somthing good gona happen, or when you just wana focus on sumthing, distractions will never fail to appear, mcm bisikan SYAITAN like dat la, senang ckp..

Wat else, it's about Mr Ex la!
saw he's FB stating he's moving on liao, bla..bla...bla....k la, pape la ehk... den LATEST update, dat Ms "Polan" (i shall not called names first la k, coz not confirm yet), was seen wif him like most of da times now outside,(dat one oso cant confirm, coz neva saw dem in front of my eyes yet) den post some notes on fb just for Mr-Ex... Wah...wah...wah.... So dat's it uh Mr-Ex?? Interesting... We shall just wait and see, wait and see...

PS:
i shouldnt have to be bother bout you anymore, but yeap, a girl is still a girl, cant stop poking her nose in here and dere.... Anyway.....
I'm glad that AT LAST, YOU"VE MOVED!!
but to dat kinda girl?? how amazing?? Seriously, so that's your forte?? Really? asal tk bilang i siang2 kn.. tsk..tsk...tsk.. i can't wait to see da nxt chapter of your life... Parents reaction, how god & faith yada-yada.. haha!
Like i told you before, i am a SADiST, and i really am, it juz depends who and whom... & hello, something is really hanging somewhere...
So you gona left it HANGING and just MOVED uh?? really?? well... and y muz i not HATE you... You can't even attend to me nor answer or talk to me in your stable state.. Only when you are sober and drunk and when all ego had been put aside dat u actually called.. tsk..tsk..tsk... You should be TOTALLY ASHAMED of yourself!! See?? How am i ever supposed to be PROUD of you.. Take care darlz, will continue your chapter soon, dat's a PROMiSE.. ;)

i cant wait for my GATEWAY!!!!
WOOOHOOOO!!!!
Find my true LOVE in BALi??
no...no... i nid to learn wat's LOVE is all about first...
hmmm... Find someone who can teach me wat's LOVE, from BALi?
nyehehehehee... ;p

2009-07-02T00:00:00.003+08:00

was randomly browsing ppls profile and came across this "Compatible Zodiacs thingy...
hahahaa!! lame but kinda cool la... tngah bored per....
so, something which can so called lead me to ma future!!! NyaHAhAhAha!!! ;p

Compatible Zodiacs

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun quizzes for blog & myspace

A conversation wif one of my buddy a month back...
eyEzZy: Sial ah aku dah gemok...
mimi: (senyum tersipu-sipu, kes tahan kekek ah)
eyEzZy: Mcm SiAL ko MiMi!! aku tau lah aku mmg gemok!! K Fine! Aku dah gain weight!!
mimi: Siak ah nul, aku tak ckp pape seyk... *kekek non stop*
eyEzZy: mcm sialz kamu!!
mimi: *Still "kekek'ing
eyEzZy: -.-"

FUCKED!! Gotta start to do sumthing soooooooon!!

2009-06-22T20:40:00.004+08:00

SICK!!!

Errgh!!
how i wish this sick goes away ASAP!!
and i really mean it...

ergh!!
first with spinning head... from a really minor one, now to a whirling tornado!!
and den blocked nose and den sore throat!!

DAMN!!!
i've got a load of things to do from work, (as i'm having my family day this Saturday) to my rehearsal for the Vietnam Charity shows....
GOD!! i nid my health and my VOICE especially FAST!!!!

GEESH!!
seriously now, i dun care bout him anymore...
heck la...
he love me kek, he miss me kek.. iya iya la.. percuma! jadi2 pengasaran aja aku, apa gunanya..
mungkin dia skrng senang2.. aku yg jadi sakit-sakitan... udah la... buat pusing kepala aja...

2009-06-16T16:02:00.008+08:00

Well a bit busy, or slack i might say on updating my blog lately...

Singapore idol didnt make it through again for da second time...
Haizz... well... nah, not hoping it much thou....
Are they looking for another Taufik or Hady?
Oh, ya, i forgot, they looking for the "PACKAGE"...
coz Singapore is too small, they can't just rely on just talents or showmanship or experience, you juz gotta have dat whole "PACKAGE" thingy...
well i can really understand that... And toodles for Singapore Idol. Not intending to join in near future anymore... :)

Look on the brighter side, i'm being invited by a fellow competitor back in STARDUST (few months ago) to perform for their yearly charity concert, they called themselves GFOs (will update more about it and link their website later on)...
COOL OR WAT?!!
so now kinda busy practising and jamming... yea.. jamming!! it's live band beb!!
and da song which i'm gona perform is "No Boundries" Adam Lambert version, but of coz la making it AiNUL's style!! yeah....

and my................
i don't know wheather it's a pleasant surprise or a nightmare that........
"he" called me......
after shuttig me out for 2 months....
GOSH!!
suddenly my world just swirl like a huge tornado!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
drastic rite...
but...................
yeah...................
that's how i am now.....
hmmmm.........................
SWiRLiNG....

Suddenly i asked myself...........
am i heartless??
am i bad??
am i inhumane???

but to think again he's da one who left me in da first place rite?
but y am i questioning myself now??
and F*CKiNG tears just welled up again....

it took me months numbing myself mending this stupid heart...
and POP here it comes and everything shattered again within minutes....

YES....
i do want answers...
i do try to HATE you...
i do... i do.... and i dooont know what else...!! coz i juz wana moooove on!!

i had stop questioning myself months ago.....
i had stop asking myself y....
or wat happen, even thinking "are you ok yet??"

BUT............
after that call............................
i questioned myself again...
"Do i really LOVE you, still..???"

but no matter what i know dat we can't be together....
i can roughly guezz dat wif no doubts...
and i understands that.....
it hurts thou...... it's my first......

but remains friends??
i don't mind.... :)
but do you??
but i need full explainations from you first, keep everything clear, to me k??
Crystal Clear...

GEESHH!!
i hate being an adult!!
so this is how love is yea...
haizz... watever...
i'm searching for a new one now.... thou it's not easy.... but nothing's easy rite?
the world is never fair.... Shit always happens...
but again, look on the bright side.......
everything happens for a reason.......
Just take this one as a blessing in disguise....
watever it is...
Let Time Heals Everything..

but again....
is there such thing as happily ever after??
can i have it??
i want it BADLY lah!! :(

2009-05-22T20:37:00.004+08:00

Lemme share with you bout a friend of mine..
Well, just call her Enya...
a best friend of mine, she just broke off with her bf too recently, and now kinda going wild...

She just called and tell me all about it...
I feel her too... But all i can do is listen and be there for her...

She felt terrible after being left by her bf, but on the other hand she insist on moving on fast as she didnt see the reason y looking back thus taking the fast way, getting a replacement...

Things doesnt turn out the way it suppose to be...
And she noes, a good relationship doesnt comes overnight nor came rooling to her feet...

But dare herself to play the game... I was shocked that she's capable of doing it.. But also applause her for being brave enuff to be truthful in what she wants and believe rather den following the flow blindly or keeping it stagnant...

But what's disturbing is that, when it comes to the 3 rd guy, she can't bring herself up to mit him... she had dated only 2 guys in total, and she felt like she's such a slut! a worthless creature which just wana have fun... a body with no soul....no feeling.... "Just having pure Fun..."

Most probably she had develop a feeling for the 2nd guy, i told her...
In confusion state of mind, Enya doesnt noe herself.... She do feel lost when he didnt txt nor tag her via MSN... I told her maybe, just maybe she love him... She cried and regretted that she told him, she's not yet ready for any serious commitment....

"Well my dear, maybe she's not the one for you Enya... He's not a muslim nor he wants to convert himself.. Although he thinks like a man, he's younger than you my dear... And he's not looking for marriage... And lastly, he's the only child.....
And i know how it feel to be with one, coz my previous one is an only child too....
Be strong my dear Enya..." dat's what i told her.... :)

iLA goes GAGA

2009-05-22T00:27:00.011+08:00

iLA goes GAGA!!!

see la, last minute den tell me she wana join Lady Gaga Look-a-Like Contest by Perfect 10...
yesterday went to city plaze to search for Wig... Called Izzy, and was told to find at costume shop which is near my work place.. Aaarghh!!

So juz now get the WiG from No.1 Costume Shop (the manager there - i assume, he likes me... hahahaha!!), get the Funky eye-lashes at Bugis St... and all set for GAGA-ing!!

cool isnt it....(biase ah, saper make-up artist kn...hehehee...)
well all da best for her...

toodles!! ;)

My Birthday ( Part 1)

2009-05-19T21:46:00.010+08:00

kk...
time to update on what happened during for my b'day week....

gifts from collegues and my tuition kids!! cute kn...

from Ashrul, ibu, ila, and siti!!

best kan!!!
frm fancy cards to parfum to POLAROiD CAMERA!! to 10-in-1 HAiR curler and...and...
the best among the best which is so unexpected......

is THiS EMBROiDED DESiGN JACKET!!!
it's my design during my PaLiN time ah, which iLA secretly took it and make it like dat...
cool keper... actually i intend to do it, but no time la, suddenly.... TADA.....!!!!

eyEzZy TauRuS!! hahaha

Love u all loads!!!!

(more pics coming up!! ;))

To Mr Jas.....

2009-05-17T00:23:00.004+08:00

Dear Mr Jasman,

Thanks for the "prompt" reply....
(So are we still meeting up??.. hahahaa!! up to you.. i have moved on long time ago if you can see from the date of my posted blog.. GOSH!! you are so OUTDATED!!)

Hmm... As you can see, it took you a month plus to actually realize what is happening although i had actually put up my blog add on my msn like months ago.. Did you ever bother?? And that's who you are, u just can't be bother at times, well most of the times in fact.
Oh no! tink juz me la he dont bother, coz my b'day oso he cant remember, how dissapointing is dat?!!!
(and i wonder how did u get to noe bout my webbie add... hmmm...)

Hmm...Where shall i start now...
talking bout me being "beradat", well i admit that i'm not perfect, but at least i don't pretend...
(i have a hell load of my different side which you don't noe, haha! i'm just glad i didnt show all my colours to you... see, so do u noe me now..?? Hahaa!! i doubt so...)

Being childish, demanding, drama queen, attitude....
well dat's me....
so just let's say, u can't handle me.... Fair enough?
coz that is what i am, you won't change for me, so y must i??
saper yg childish??

If you were to say i always go around the bushes...
Speak for yourself...
So much of you being ok with da Bugis-lepak incident...
and here you say it sparks yada yada yada....
i want to straighten things up to fellow readers here,
i already tell him that i wana go walk2 la, coz i'm bored, he insist on staying and play truth or dare... and when i told him i want to get my nail polish, he told me off, "bsok boleh beli per.."
-ko tak bingit?? salah ker i go ahead on my own?? tak kacau die kn, only after that,when i came back, he said if i were to tell him, he wud jolly well accompany me. No need to go off like that...
Arent you confused??? coz i am...
(Nope, i think he's da confused one...)

Talking bout being childish also,
hmmm, well looks who's talking....
who's childish enough to blocked me on MSN when they say they are ok wif me but actually HE's not... and delete me off from facebook and surprisingly TAGGED too!!
(which he's da one invite me to join as his fren , hypocrite kn.. ishk..ishk..ishk...)
and ermm... keeping my friends which most of them you don't noe at all... tak malu ehk...??

Do you noe that with your recent actions here in my blog, u're such a childish fella too??
Accept it...
u point out my mistakes like you don't have you own mistakes...
can't you see da good side of me..??
i can actually cover up everything for 2 yrs??
(haha!! tink it's not a good thing for you afterall)
which naturally enduring all your nonsence only god noes the crying and da suffering i had....
Don't you realise that u're actually had bukak your own pekong here...??

but........
i just keep it simple la.... (coz i'm a classy bitch.. haha!!)

u call me "worthless", "you're not lucky to get me"," i'm not worth it", went out wif your ex behind my back, doesnt have the mood to talk or to meet me coz you are like going after a girl which you think your destiny (which i think it is la ehk... go ahead... i wish you all the best) and i still kene da scolding from you for pointing this out.... tak ker sundal & dayus tuu...

And talking bout nice.........
u're such a confused guy....
U make ppl see that you're such a happy-go-lucky guy, everything goes, no restrictions, and everything, but....................................
(u shud noe la.. i'm juz tired of typing. And i dont wana make you malu la eh senang ckp...)

And i'm glad that our relationship ends here...
It's a good thing thou...
And i've moved on long time ago... no need to beg me la...
AND....don't make it sound like you're a BIG CATCH coz you're not at all...
And don't worry la...
i will find a better guy... GLAD!! it's not you...

and LASTLY,
do check da DATES of my blog before commenting...
you had just humiliated yourself... (Ouch!!)

and please,
like i said before when i did asked you to leave me which you dont want to,
"if you wana break off wif me do inform me, so i wont bother you anymore",
and yes you had, and i'm not still holding on to you....?? Gosh! Please la, get a life...
i noe where i stand, u dun need to shoo me off nor tell me wat to do..
maybe y i bother you is da fact that you dont have da GUTS to face me to SPILL this SHIT of yours... Satisfied...??

but yea, i think i'm just stoopid to believe and trust your words.....
and putting da blame to your parents?? hmm... not the right move la...
and stop provoking me, coz i mite juz blurt out a hell load more bout you...

GUYSSS!!!

i wanna man, not a boy who tinks he can...

2009-04-17T22:48:00.013+08:00

Haiz...
things happen in a blink of an eye....

i wonder, what had he been talking behind my back...
here i am, believing that it's really because of FATE that we are not meant to be...
pushing away all the negative remarks from friends coz they care and want me to move on fast (coz i always tell them, he's a nice guy)...

Really picking up and moving on in my own way,
ader jek benda2 yg pop out....

To anonymous:
thnx for the info, (tink i figured out who u are)
it's not only you being curious bout the whole thing, me too...
and i noe, everyone was shocked to noe the news too...

and the best part now, what he told me was totally a different one as wat he mentioned to you,
maybe, like how we noe him and like wat you said, " thus, i believe jas made up this **** just to not take the blame."
but watever the reason is, i don't think putting me as the blame instead, is being fair...
but if it were to be true, i'm clearing my name now, i'm not that kind.

and i think i owe you(Mr Anonymous) an apology as i'm so pissed yesterday, and ya, it get the best of me (haha! i got no time ah to watch over you, my bad).
And seriously, don't think it's necessary for congratulating me, being "...done with..." just because i reacted that way(yesterday),think that is so shallow of you, i noe you're much wiser than that, much much wiser...

It's sad,
how if YOU, were to be in my shoes?
clueless bout anything and everything but yet accepting it sincerely,
and only to find out later that you've been bad-mouthed??

i'm not condemning anyone here,
if he noes me well, he shud noes that once i'm done with it, i wont hold grudges against it...
so this is the only way...... to blog it out. (coz i dont want to hold any grudges against him or anyone)

it would be such a SHAME,
coz i've always told my friends off everytime they try to discriminate you(Mr J)...

Is this my retribution for loving you this much??

2009-04-17T01:49:00.000+08:00

I'm WATCHING YOU........
(this is not a gimmick)

Your IP Address: 218.186.13.231
IP Address Hostname: cm231.omega13.maxonline.com.sg
IP Country: Singapore
IP Country Code: SGP
IP Continent: Asia
IP Region:
Guessed City: Singapore
IP Latitude: 1.2931
IP Longitude: 103.8558
ISP Provider: StarHub Cable Vision Ltd

Anonymous idiot

2009-04-17T01:07:00.002+08:00

ANONYMOUS???

kk....
well, in the first place, who is diz anonymous fella??
dtg tak dijemput, aleh2 jek nak shoot...

Hmm...
well, if really he say dat to you....
i'm amazed, coz i noe him, he will only tell diz kind of shit to dose he really close and trust..

And he shud be dissapointed to find out that u, Mr/Ms Anonymous be telling me all this taik...

And if he were to really believe this, and strengthened this up with, ".... God and Faith had show me, that we are not belong together, and it's really a big thing Ainul, a tight slap for me, and we really have to go our separate ways......" than i'm truly devastatedly dissapointed in him...

In the first place, i got no time ah nak masak nasi for him...
HELLO!!
u can ask him, all da time, we ate outside, especially pizza hut(his favourite)...
if da reason for him to break our relationship becoz of this bullshit, than i think i'm thankful that i'm now off with him, coz i think i can't live with a person who keep on believing in this kind of "tahyul". Coz wat he told me oso, dat his previous gf (u shud now who la ehk Mr J) might be using this kinda stuff on him too, coz he cant seem to forget bout her...

HELLO!!!!
get a life!!!
dat's LOVE!!!
doesnt he noes wat love is, u can juz do stupid things for the one you love, u can sacrifice anything for that one you love....
and u go crazy without the one you love!!

Believe dat!!
dat's LOVE!!
TRUE LOVE do exist...!!!

anyway, it's not that i didnt believe that "nasi kangkang", "minyak senyonyong", "rendam sluar dalam" this all exist, it's just that, wat is dat all for??
Aper gunanye, Cinta sejati tu kan lagi mulia nilainyer....
it's PRICELESS!!
I think he's stoopid if it's really this are the reason for our break-up...

And if this going to be any further,
i will make it BIG...
SERIOUSLY....
mark my words.....
don't u dare me.....

So what if i'm coping better than him now...
i'm moving on, like what he want me to...
he shud be proud of me rather than thinking that i'm getting "help" frm u noe wat...
cekalkn hati kuat kn iman ah, ikan bukan seekor, he was the one who ask for the break-up,
org dah tak nak, takkn aku nak terheggeh2 pat die kn, ngan parent2 die skali pulaukn aku..
please ah nie, u don't noe me yet....

Sesungguhnya Allah itu maha berkuasa & maha mengetahui...
Amin..

2009-04-14T07:29:00.003+08:00

I think i shall stop blogging bout him...
The more i blog bout him, the more i hate him (or maybe i'm just trying to hate him),
the more i misses him...
that's not wat i planned...
i'm moving on....
(well, if it's true that he started dating, why shudn't i.. haha)

As wat i strongly believe..... i believe he is a nice guy...
A guy who noes wat he's doing...
but what i can't accept is, y must he not tell ppl bout the real thing..
y must he put up a strong front everytime shit happens...??
doesnt he noes dat he's a normal human being too?
(stop thinking that u some kind of superhuman k, u will fall one day too, sooner or later, and it's nothing wrong to let it out...)
does his friends thinks i'm da bad one? or he's da bad one??
coz i dun think anyone of us is at fault...

Well,
i'm tired....
Waiting for my answers....
i think da best way now,
to let this matter rest in peace till the time comes to unravel the best of it...

As for now,
i'm living my life to the fullest....
Thank you for the experience, the love, the bittersweet memories that we had....
i'm really honoured, to have that one lifetime experience, to be shared with you..
(count the gifts that u had give me... think that proves it alls.... thank you, Mr J)

Now...
i realise, i can become more me without him, more outspoken coz i dun need to think wat will he think bout me, and this is sumthing good, a catalyst for me to move on, an enthusiasm to spur me on, and i have to move fast as not to lost this momentem, coz the heart's pounding real fast, excited for the change within......

2009-04-14T07:21:00.003+08:00

Tidak ku nafikan hati ini masih berdenyut untuk mu....
tapi aku harus kuat, kuat & berani menerima kenyataan yang sebenar & meneruskan kehidupan..

Kau tetap didalam ingatan ku sayang....

2009-04-13T18:11:00.004+08:00

Things were still unstable....

but lucky thing, i have a strong passion for singing....
Well, at least, sumthing to sidetrack me off...
Hell loads of competition coming up!!
Malay Idol, Arca Gemilang, Stardust!!
and waiting for Singapore Idol 2009!!!!
(yes ah!!)

Busu wedding date is getting nearer....
(labour day)

And i found out Rina (my ite frenz) getthing married in May too.... (31st May)

Haizz....

CONGRATULATiONS ppl!!

I'm so envying you guys... Hope mine will come soon... Amin...

Think of the brighter side..
My b'day is exactly one month from now!!!!

Whoah!!!!

celebrate it at zouk ya!! ;)

10+ days of Break-up

2009-04-13T17:38:00.004+08:00

10+ days of Break-up..

It's been exactly 10+ days of separation....
Well, i'm doing fine.... (i guess)
but da feeling of unsatisfaction is piling up day by day...
And it's kinda becoming a burden now...

FUCKED!!

i just can't shoo the tots that HE asked for the break-up via phone and da fact that he wanted to MIA in da first place!!!!!

saw him online in MSN yesterday,
with his pm=" ...........the trip was gd but sumthing cock up yada2..."
was he trying to tell me that he's fine??
y can't he just tag me and chat online?? didnt he noe dat, wheather i'm busy or not, my status in MSN is always put on busy??
Or he expecting me to tag him first??

FYi: i will not contact you in any form unless you do, i'm doing fine actually with us being frens, but when YOU are the one who started the shit first,(not replying to my txt msges), i'm truly dissapointed with you, i think is atrociously RUDE...
It's either you cant bear to talk to me, u wanted to forget about me, watever the reason is, i'm truly dissapointed with you....
Something tells me, it's not totally bout your parents.... (watever!)

seriously now, i'm in total mess...
agitated, irritated, frustrated, confused and all that related...

Sometime i wonder,
Can't friends go through their pains together??

U ever mention,
friends comes and goes into your life...
Boyfriend is your future husband where you shud trust and respect and vice versa...

Well, i think, i'm bloody stupid to belief that.

and this still linger in my bloody head:
" WHY CAN'T HE BREAK THE NEWS IN FRONT OF MY BLOODY FUCKING FACE??
COWARD!! "DAYUS"!!!"

and he told me not to hate him, not to forget him...
and now.... ironical rite??

i really hope HE can enlightened me with some answers asap....
coz i dun think i can tolerate this kind of nonsence any longer....

does he actually planned all this to happen in the first place??!!
GOD i'm becoming insane...!!!!!!!

One week after da break-ups

2009-04-13T01:09:00.004+08:00

Hmmm...

Like almost one week after the break-ups,
(i'm getting over it thou.. kinda strong rite 1wk jek.. I'm surprised too!!)

Think like on the tuesday or wednesday,
i'm being informed that 'HE' started dating already...

WHOAH!!!
i'm superly impressed...
dat's damn bloody fast...
i always tot he will suffer more then me, coz he noes da problem which i don't..
or at least a month.....
HELL YEA!!!

BRAVO!! APPLAUSE!!!

u noe wat, i'm kinda having DOUBTS on u now...

and to think that u didnt event rply to my msg, dat is so ungentleman... i think it's a form of courtesy to reply back...
Ouh, in da first place, u're not a gentleman afterall... Oops!!

I'm sorry to say this,
but i'm not surprised that u had already noe dat girl way before the break-up..
i duno.. i noe dat u wont do dat kinda shit, but i'm seriously confused, which i dun think i nid to,at all...

and i remembered the sms that u gave,
"It's soo hard... Everything is like falling apart... I cannot take it.. I'm so scared to tell you my problems bcos i'm scared dat u will hate me..."

and till now, i'm actually wondering if dat got to do wif the break-up..

seriously if you can explain to me asap would be better...

coz now i looked LOWLY at you, i used to respect you soo much, u shud noe dat, i put u first on my list, i put aside my girls, my family, my life, and i just love giving you stuffs which i'm afford to and to get this shit...
- a promise which is undelivered..
- my fear of you MIA'ing came true..
- and you not able to be a MAN to face me and tell me right in my face that u want
the break-up!! and wif no explanations... (THIS is THE BIGGEST ISSUE!!)

If you think by running away could solve ur problem, i don't think so...
I hope you'll regret wat u've done...
and i PROMISE,
i'm not one of ur ex-gf who wishes or wants to be with you if dere's any chance to...

(u seems shocked and surprised when i say "yes", these wont means that we can reconcile back.U just don't know how strong i am.. i cry doesnt mean i'm weak, dat's ur bad.. U just duno how normal ppl minds work & think... nope, nope, i think u juz duno how to handle girls....heh.. such a shame)

I'm sorry...

STARDUST 2009!!

2009-04-13T01:06:00.003+08:00

STARDUST
MADE IT THRU FINALS!!

yea!!
blessing in disguise ya...

See ya soon @ ZOUK!!
tix selling at 16bucks!!

get it frm me tau...

Moving On (part 2)

2009-04-13T00:50:00.003+08:00

After dat 3rd April...
Something just tell me that i need to open up my lappy...

Coz since den,
i didnt wana open up my lappy, coz i didnt wana see him online, didnt take out my diary, coz i have his work schedule all da way till dec, but i just have to overcome it, and i have to do it soon...

Soon enuff,
to my amazement,
he changed his status to single to all of his accounts...
HOLY SHiT!!
wat he told me was, he will wait for me to change my status first before he changed his...

it was such a dissapointment,
how am i not felt cheated, tell me... i need an explanation, but i have no more rights, coz he's not mine anymore.. yeah not mine, gosh!! i have to get used to that...

manage to chat wif him via MSN, but it's like so political..
tot we are still friends??
but y? y are the reluctance, the barrier, i believe u've had share a lot of ur stories wif me? but y r u putting a barrier into our conversation??
if dat's how ur term "frens" is gona be, it SUCKS big time....

So yea...
i'm moving on...

coz as for now, i take it as,
'Org dah taknk, buat pe nak terhege2 kn, aku ade maruah diri, aku ade reputasi..'

i'm not being ego, but dat's how it is..

He's telling ppl that he's heartbroken, but den,he wana party, and his MSN later put, "Yeah! Single again!.."

how CONTRADICTING dat is?!!

U TELL ME....

The Moving On...

2009-04-13T00:16:00.003+08:00

The moving on was superly sucks...

like i said, i took an urgent leave on the 3rd April (Friday), having sleepless nights, but fucked waking up early, having no appetite to eat, or to do anything...
In fact just sitting down watching tv is unbearable...

It's like i've lost not only a bf, but a shoulder to cry on, my punching bag, my clown when i'm down, my eye-candy and my guardian angel.........

It SUCKS!

every single movements and minutes, it's just about him and y? Y?? WHY???

i noe i hav to get out frm my place, coz i cant let my grandma sees me crying like an idiot every minute and every seconds rite..

So, first thing, i have to keep myself busy...

Manage to get hold of a fren(a nice one, u noe who u are, thnx beb) to accompany me for half of my day, and eventually meet up my girls later at sempang bedok...
GOSh!! Only god noes how i miss dem all....
I'm fortunate to get u gerls, i'm truly blessed...

They did tell me to hate him, but i juz cant, coz i believe our separation is not based on hatred or him playing truant on me, and i believe that he suffer da same too... and every time, i feel sad, i would think of how he's doing... etc...etc... and it hurts me more.... like y is god so cruel to me and him....

But again, like wat zoob says, god is fair, he wont test you this much if he noes that u're weak... and every bad things happens comes wif a blessings...

Yeap...

guess it's true...

accepting the fact and facing the reality is hard....
but i'm moving on thou... i'm moving on......

and he's still be in my prayers....
and i misses him bad...........

27th/28th March 2007-1st/2nd April 2009

2009-04-12T23:33:00.003+08:00

27th/28th March 2007-1st/2nd April 2009

Like they say..........
Every good things comes to an end...

It's kinda shocking experience for me,no, it IS a VERRY SHOCKING one!!
At first i tot it was just a joke..
Hell not?! we juz had our 2yrs makan session(yea normal, nothing wow! kinda thing which i'm so use to it laa..) on the 28th March...

Let me just rewind it a bit..
Have dinner on the 28th March, had a tiff on da 29th March, 30th and 31st he's working(so not meeting, but i'm so missing him coz we usually settle our stuffs asap), and eventually on his off day 1st April, he got some family thingy (which is like super rare for him to go out wif his parents), and poof on the 2nd April, he kept rejecting my calls...

Confused rite...

So i texted him, felling worried and confused and of coz angry at the same time. Wat da hell wrong wif him...

Eventually he txt back saying, well lemme me get my hp ya......
.........................
k here how it goes,
"I'm sorry... we have to go our separate ways... We cannot be together.... This is how fate and god show me... Take care ainul... Its been a great time & i thank you for that..."

how am i not DEVASTATED!!!

dere i am longing for his calls, to mit him up, and i got this?!

at that point of time, i really went blank, my hand shivers, i duno wheather i'm wailing, crying or cursing or all at once, coz there's isnt any tears at all... Confused of coarse..

He didn't want to mit up, die2 dun want to mit up, saying that his parents didnt want us to be together...

Manage to get him to call me thou,
both of us was crying in tears, he asked me to stay strong...
don't forget him, will let me now the reason when the time comes coz he vow not to let me noe bout it, he loves me so much that he didn't want me to suffer so he have to do the separation, he's sorry coz he have to break his promises, break my heart, and he says wat i'm suffering he's suffering the same.........

At that point of time,
i believe that watever he does is for our better, my own good and his and everybody i guess... i believe that he wont do stupid things unnecessarily.. We've gone thru so much shit together and we still manage to hold on, so i believe he should have a much better reason for this separation...

I cant think straight........
i eventually txt my boss for an urgent leave the next day....
i cried the whole fucking day...
kinda felt cheated, used, hopeless, felt like wat's wrong wif me other den being fat?? and everything juz fall over you.....

So this is how a heartbreak feels...
It's really painful... SUCKS!!!
and the best part, i didnt now wat's my wrong...
and in fact he wanted to MIA, left me hanging juz like dat...
SUPER SUCKS ryt!!!
FUCKED!!

SHOWQUEST 25.05.08

2008-05-25T23:21:00.002+08:00

After Talenquest...
Here comes SHOWQUEST!!

Maybe this is my secoond chance to proof my cability in singing...

I dun wana do another stupid mistake again..
being so not full of confidence, and being intimidated by my surroundings...
I AM GOOD!!
and i have to remind myself that..
and to proof i'm right...

I MADE IT THRU STRAIGHT TO THE SEMIS!!!!
just a moment ago.......yohooo!!

well i'm so delighted about it...
for the first time, i FEEL the..... ermmm i duno how to explain..
well, think, i've been taking things for granted u see,
so when i got this one,
da feeling is so different...
i feel like i had achieve sumthing damn BIG...
sumthing which i really wanted, and i really wanted it for real...

Well, i'm really looking forward for da SEMIs and hoping very much to get thru the finals...

Wish me luck guys..

Just gotta do more practise, rest well, eat healthy, choose the right song, and....
CONFIDENT MAU LEBIH BEB!!

All the best for me... hehe.. ;)

Perang Dingin Telah Diselesaikn..

2008-05-25T23:03:00.003+08:00

Akhirnya, si teruna ketahui kisah sebenarnye juga..

Memang benar tak terlintas langsung si teruna ingin membanding-bandingkan si dara dengan bekas kekasihnya...

Dengan mengucapkan kata cinta,
si dara sedar bahawa cinta mereka masih utuh, mungkin untuk selamanya?

(mcm siak!! so da melayu siol!!! hahaha!!)

dat BLOODY BiTCH again!

2008-05-25T01:50:00.005+08:00

it kinda pissed of when HE started toking bout HIS "BLOODY EX" again.

SO WAT IF SHE LOOSES WEIGHT...
and she look pretty...
bla..bla....bla....

"hey MiSTER,
dat's not da way to spur me on alright...
COZ...
i juz dun bother with watever FUCKiNG SHiT dat dat BLOODY BiTCH did!
FUCK!!
it just seems like u comparing ME to dat BiTCH!!"

Like y must SHE told HIM thru MSN bout her loosing weight and all?!?!
(trying to compare HERSELF wif ME indirectly to HIM dat she looks better?!! FUCK! is SHE loved him dat much y leave him in da first place?! answers anyone?)
so yea, dey still contact each other, isnt dat enuff bleed done?!

SO wat...
if SHE want to loose weight, loose hair, loose teeth, loose EVERYTHING.....!!
GO AHEAD!
i dun give a bloody fuck bout it!

to HIS surprise, i noes bout it all, DA BITCH loosing HER weight bla..bla...bla..
yeah, coz i'd just read her blog last few days ago by coincidence...
was browsing her FB bla..bla...bla....
i mean, she's da one who's like putting her bloggy add dere...
haha!
THNX BiTCH!!
well, LUCKY me...
in dere, she stated she lost 8kg bla..bla..bla... SO...??

and so now.....
the qns is:
WAT'S DA BLOODY FUCKiNG HELL GOT TO DO WiF MY FUCKiNG BF!!

U JOLLY WELL LEFT HIM & MAKES HIS LIFE FUCKING MISERABLE..
-WHICH HAD COST HIM TO LOST HIS JOB.
-LOCKED HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM FOR MONTHS WHICH HE NEVER DID BEFORE
-TRIED TO HAV RELATIONSHIPS BUT ONLY FIND OUT THAT THEY ARE JUST A REBOUND..
-AND HE STILL IN SEARCH FOR U DESPITE DA FACT DAT U LEFT HIM FOR NO FUCKING VALID REASON COZ HE LOVED U SOOO MUCHH... (dat's y.. and i'm curious y?)
-AND IT TOOK HIM YEARS TO GET OVER IT, AND OF COURSE DURING THE TRANSITION HE CHANGED......

TILL HE MET ME....

AND.........

ONLY A FEW MONTHS AFTER DAT, U POPPED OUT FRM NOWHERE..
(mayb back frm da hell)
FINDING WAYS HOW TO GET HIM
(credits to HIS fren's gf ya... thanx a zillion!!),
DYING TO MEET HIM LIKE YOU'RE GONA DIED DA NEXT MINUTE.
FUCK!!
AND OF COURSE AS A PERSON, I CAN'T SAY NO TO HIM WANTING TO MIT U..
YA WELL, EVEN IF I SAY NO, HE WILL STILL MEET U ANYWAY...
(coz unlike you, i noe where i stand, u're the veteran, i'm da new comer. He had been in search for diz bitch who had ran away frm him and da only way to repay all dat back is to mit with the BITCH himself-so u happy now?!!)

ADDING ON...

-U GUYS TOOK ONLY 6MONTHS TO HAVE ALL DA FUCKING LOVE & LUST FANTASIES...
while it took HIM more then 6th months (or dat's wat i feel) for HIM to actually believe dat i understand HIM-mayb
SAD isnt it...or are u REGRETING now...
IMAGINE..
within 6months u guys can be so deeply in love with each other, isn't dat MAGiC? but u fucking hell throw dat MAGiC away... (cheapo! and i'm really curious wat's da reason behind it!!)

-U GIVE HIM A T-SHIRT WHICH HE NAIVELY TOT U HAD ACTUALLY SEWN THE ALPHABETS BITS BY BITS WIF HIS FAVORITE NICKNAME ON IT AND HE FUCKING STILL WEARING IT ALTHOUGH AFTER TELLING HIM DAT, DAT'S JUST A NORMAL SILKSCREEN POP UP PRINTS....
(of coz u'll be smiling sinisterly while reading this ryt bitch!)

ANDBRAVO!

U GOT HIM THIS ONE & ONLY SWEATER DAT SOLD IN SG BY DIZ BAND WHICH HE LOVES DA MOST FOR HIM.. AND YES HE STILLS WEARING IT!!
(happy bitch?!! FEELING proud?! thnx fer letting me noe, coz u put up a comment in his friendster.. BiMBO!! y dun u put up a list or mayb mail me all da things dat u had done or missed doing together wif him to me then.. den mayb i can consider upon it..)

AND LASTLY...

THE BEST THINGS WHICH FRUSTRATES ME THE MOST WHICH I KINDA FEEL THE NEED TO CONGRATULATE U..
THANKS FOR MAKING THAT VERY IMPORTANT SOMEONE IN HIS LIFE HATES ME JUST BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!

AND DAT'S DA REASON FORNOW,
ON WHY I DESPISE YOU TRULY DAT MUCH..
(and i'm still curious wadda FUCKING reason why you left HIM without reason, and now popping out frm nowhere having HOPES to get HIM)

sometimes i ponder...
what's the point being good, filial and always saying the truth,
and all i get is nothing even near to pleasure......

GOiNG FACiAL

2008-05-21T20:15:00.005+08:00

Zooobz treat me to FACiAL for my B'day YESTERDAY!!!!!
cool or wat...
now i'm clueless wat to give her for her b'day....
it's like only tomorrow!!
or like less den 4hours now!!!

tick tock tick tock tick tock........

::13th of MAY::

2008-05-20T22:14:00.004+08:00

WHOAH!!
alas... only till today i got the chance to update my blog on my b'day celebration...

FIRST STOP...
the eve of my b'day..
Moron (thomas) & his gf ask me out for dinner at arab street...
Went to MOSI CAFE to have dinner...
was kinda fun thou...

NEXT morning...
the REAL DAY!!
busu came in my messy room, shouted 'HAPPY B"DAY NULLL!' and pass me an Esprit umbrella.. (yea, da one which she had left it in da cinema while watching Step Up..)

Den after shower.....
the REAL DAY!!
dere's a shiny purple wrap box wif a card attached to it wif ibu's handwriting...
and guess wat's underneath that shiny purple wrapped box..??
A pair of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle classic cartoon DVD!!!
goosh, i've been wanting it since i'm 3..
20 yrs later sak!! tears well up siol!

Den in da office....
the REAL DAY!!
makan2 time....
makan buffet la beb... saaap lynn tak turon, anak die demam panas..
colleagues gimme ESPRIT hot pink clutch!! and guess wat boss gime... GUESS HANDBAG!!
FUHYOO!!!!

Den later in da noon...
the REAL DAY!!
Sharkila give a b'day dedication la on RiA!!
kecoh kaper...

wat else ehk.......

think dat's all....

LASTLY.....
the REAL DAY!!
da time which i've been waiting....
to meet Mr J and see wat in store for me...
HAHAHAHAAA!!!
well it started out SUCKS! as usual.... i have to wait for him, like almost an hour.. even thou i'm da one who came down to bedok... PAthetic ryt! i noe...

before dat, at noon....
the REAL DAY!!
he did call me to ask me out for lunch..
but too bad, i'm having lunch wif boss and colleagues..

but den he did told me dat he got for me sumthing which cost him a BOMB!!
and he tak sempat to wrapped da gift, but it look sweet, dat wat he said la..
so as a girl, and a girlfriend.. typically, i tot he got for me a DIAMOND ring or pendant etc... but then again, i dun wana have high hopes coz i dun wana b dissapointed..

before dat oso in da morning
the REAL DAY!!
he did asked me wat do i want for my b'day, seriously i dun want anything but just to LOOSE WEIGHT and gain back my CONFiDENCE!!

continue...
(LASTLY.....
the REAL DAY!!)
so bout 10 mins before he reached, he called "sorry u, i on da way, u jgn mengamok k.." tau takpe.... hehehee... sejok sikit hati cek... it's so hard for him to be sweet diz few days..

den when he reach at mcdonald bedok where i had waited for him with loads of patience, he pass me dat 'gift'... GUESS wat?!! k well, not another guess bag la of course, creative zen Mp3! pink color sumore...
ceh!
haha!!
den after dat go eat at suria or segar restaurant, i order prawn and lemon chicken and he order his all time favourite grouper fish...
den watch movie, very da boring show, speed racer, but we did have our own fun time, if u noe wat i mean...
but yea, we did doze a little during da show after dat... mendaks siok!

well, in overall, out of ten, i give him 5.5 or mayb 6 la...
coz i noe, sum gerls did get much better treatment on their b'days by deir bfs..
i appreciate his efforts to get the gift, da food, da movie thou...
but yea, it's better den da previous one dat i had wif him la...
OBViOUSLY!!

coz as far i can remember, he had actually told me, like last dec 2007, to keep my day free on my b'day coz he's off on dat day.. so i was actually expecting MORE!
i mean, he asked me like last dec sak.. of coz i was like high expectations,
but to noe his attitude... haizz...
LUCKY..
i didnt put hight hopes, if not, dissapointed rabak like always...

but well, for HiM to do all dat which he don't usually practice it, i'm kinda proud of him..
and yea, this is wat lack...
he's LATE!
no flowers,
no candle on cake to blow wishes upon...
Surprise factor: 5/10
but............
OK la...
dere present and
kisses frm him...

he is such one confusing idiot dat i never came across....
making life so confuse and uncertain everytime...
Surprises..??
always a bad one....
expected the unexcpected and be prepared with loads of patience i always tell myself...
but still will end up wif tears welling up at night...

13th May AGAiN!!

2008-05-12T23:22:00.002+08:00

Frankly, am so NOT excited at all bout it.......
ya, it's a special day....
BUT.....
wat's so special bout it IF u are not happy....
for GOODNESS SAKE!
it's a yr older... ONE YEAR OLDER.............
AGAIN!!!

everything seems so out of place....
so not right diz few days......
uncle had a birthday makan2 at his place for his daughter's 4th b'day, and inconjunction of mother's day.....
den, his wife pass me a wrapped gift, when later found out to be sum "kain ela" frm bangkok...
and trust me, da design SUCKS BIG TIME!!

den early morning juz now, am late for work....
to add on, i can't change da skirt dat ila had bought for me....

A year older........

SOOOOONNN!!!!

and i'm feeling sooo sooooo soooooooooo much more HOPELESS den usual...

i'm not really sure wat's in store for me tmw....
well, dun wana hav high hopes thou....
coz i just dun wana be dissapointed like it usually happened...

but i cant deny dat i'm hoping da least dat it's not "just a dinner"...
WATEVER!!

we'll just see wat's in store for me thou...

to tell u the truth, wat i wish for my birthday is:
-to gain back my CONFIDENCE....
and it's aint easy thou, coz i have all these to be done or shud be done to actually get me in SHAPE!
-to LOOSE TONNES of dis excess weight, which is like so difficult...
i nid MONEY!! i nid LIPO!! i nid MONEY to do LIPO!!
-to get back my TALENTS... it's like deteriorating, from bad to worst... am so easily taken
aback by others and dat includes my..........
-JOB!! coz am in SALES now....
&...........
-to fell wat real LOVE is...........

we'll just wait for tmw to come la....

THE NEW JOB

2008-04-21T21:16:00.002+08:00

Well, my new job as Events Manager was kinda cool....
It's kinda COOL...
Besides doing sales telemarketing, going down for presentation, i still can do and get plus2 payment for doing artwork or work which is not related to sales...
Isn't dat COOL!

hahahaha!!

but den i forgot one thing, by doing sales, i actually exposed myself to "MY ENEMY DALAM BLANKET" haha.. (my previous events company la)..

Dere's one time, me and Tracey went down for presentation and guez wat, da second presentor are "them"!!

U shud see deir face siah...
hahahahaa!!

GUYS are DUMB!!

2008-04-15T22:14:00.003+08:00

i'm so blank rite now....
izit just me being all emotionally cock up, or guys are simply DUMB!

he jokingly said dat he 'merajok' (being sulky) to me..
and said it directly
" I DUN WANA MIT U, WANA GO BACK HOME STRAIGHT AND SLEEP..."
(how hurt dat is)

so i tot mayb tmw i can mit him instead as he will be working morning shift too tmw...
but to my dismay he doing OT tmw....

and da best part he only calls just now ard 10pm, and found out dat he went to orchard first after work before went back home..

Wadda fuck...

i'm not being petty or wat... but is not like we can mit everyday... it's like twice or thrice per week including jamming and his bloody own gathering!

i just hate feeling being used!!

and i duno y, i felt so USED!!

only called when he wana mit, and if he's tired da whole day, fat hope to get him call just to say hello....

FUCK siah!
and i feel damn FUCKED!!

::SHOPPiNG alone::

2008-04-02T22:44:00.003+08:00

Well,
being alone teach me loads of things...
in fact, i think it makes me a better and stronger person....
(mcm lagi senang tau tak leceh and tak terhege-hege like dat)

I can go eat all by myself...
I can walkaway alone....

and today,
i go SHOPPiNG all ALONE!!

kinda proud of myself..

and da best thing was is not dose high standard kinda boutique dat i had shopped in, or dose UK boutique which have my size..
coz dat's aint a challenge for me anymore, been dere done dat...

Guess wat?

i went to bedok to SHOP!!
really, i went to da nyonya2 shop to hunt for pants and slacks!!
GOODNESS!! i can find my size (if u noe wat i meant) wif ease la sia!
Coz aunties all big size mah!
heck wat ppl wana say, u can actually find nice2 "baju" there, just have to be clever and patient to find a nice and suitable one. but it's not dat difficult actually. Serious. And it's like thrice cheaper den wat i usually shop..

In total, i spend like 50bucks only,i got 2 slacks and 2pants, one 4-quarter (wadda hell ryt, doesnt dat makes one full length?! but it's slightly shorter den normal pants la.. but watever it is, it fits me nicely coz i'm ketot pe). Which usually to get da pants of my size cost like 50-80 bucks per pair! goodness.

I'm so proud of myself gitu.. So wat if i shop at nyonya-nyonya boutique, ppl dun noe if i dun tell dem. And i can still look HOT without BURNiNG my pocket.. Ha!

"a TEST for endurance or a SIGN to lost faith in"

2008-03-27T00:45:00.005+08:00

That's what i put in my MSN tagline (or watever dey call it)
Life's is so fucking mess up now..
Had been living in fear, sadness, dissapointment for nearly 3 weeks now.
Momy still didnt noe bout me being "discontinued" so kinda living in a whole drama-mama kinda thing by going nowhere... I really duno how to disclose it to her..

and on TOP of all dat, my other half is always so so fucking damn bz wif his whole routine kinda thing which pissed me a whole lot of anger.. It's like as if i'm all ALONE, so wat's da point in having the other half which u can't rely on. Might as well i lead a SiNGLE life isn't it?

Well, things happen....
Happens for a reason....
But what's the reason,
i'm still searching for it...
Oh god please guide me..
is this a TEST for ENDURANCE,
or a SiGN to lost FAiTH in...
please guide me to the right way....

"aku hanya mampu berserah padaMU"

Discontinued my service as a DESiGNER..

2008-03-27T00:27:00.002+08:00

Yea ppl,
that is wat i'm being told by my senior designer or watsover 3 weeks ago..
i was kinda dumbfounded for awhile, but of course, it took me some time to actually realise that i'm jobless again. (well, have to maintain kan. and ya la, i'm kinda slow, i admit).
It's really dissapointing as i'm really not prepare for anything like this YET.

Well, i do intend to actually quit from that place but not that soon though.
But well, things happen, and i have to accept it rite?

I was kinda feeling hopeless and all..
and started to think and ya, reviewing the progression of all my frens comparing dem to mine, to see actually how pathetic mine is.

Being a designer aint fucking easy especially if you were to work for a company, trust me.
seriously, i was kinda dissapointed in myself as i dun see any improvement watsoever or in another word stuffs or designs that i can keep for my portfolio. All is either previous work which i just have to edit to make it more presentable or finishing up my senior's work. And i dun take any pride in that, what's more to add it in my portfolio? No way..
So it's kinda sucks to actually go to a design firm asking to take you as their designer with that pathetic kinda work. They don't deserve these..

But well, i'm going back to events line...
and guess what i will be doing there...?
SALES!!
haha!
ya i noe, watever...
i try to make diz work...

Bless me!

New Blog Skin

2008-03-27T00:25:00.002+08:00

Well, i'm still actually working on the skin for my blog...
Intended to actually have my own design on it, but very da leceh la...
one day la ehk...
so now, using ppl's design....

::Mesmerizing Juz-B::

2008-03-03T15:27:00.004+08:00

Haha!
It's been a while since i blog..
yeah, well 2008 is a LEAP year..
(shud actually post diz on da 29th itself ryt.. haiya!)
Well, my colleague, ila and myself went to JUZ-B show which is held at esplanade..
Geesh, their performance was SUPERB!

There were so many mix feeling when i watch dem perform..
Envy, enthrilled, anxious..
All of dem..

Hamzah (Dee) was one of da judges for my recent talenquest audition and semi's- and so, watching him perform live was cooL...
But wat really kinda "disturbed" me (well i cant find da rite word for it now..) was da Lead singer, Afwan..
We used to join this competition during my iTE time together, and was kinda dissapointed (in myself) if were to see where we stand now.. i mean, he had perform wif Malaysian Idol, Jaclyn Victor, had feature here and dere, and i think he perform for events and in pubs too... Geesh, dun tink he remember me still...

it's kinda demoralizing but if to take it positively, dat can actually be my catalyst to spur me on..
Well, i duno...
Life's like a jigsaw puzzle...
And my puzzle is not even half-way through yet...

Dissapointment, and all i nid...

2008-01-31T10:32:00.000+08:00

is a little respect and appreciation from da loved ones...

How hurting can it be to actually think dat you have to rely to outsider to aknowledge you, to appreciate you, to respect you.....

And all dey do is to sit at home, be da judge where i'm always at wrong and being a puppet master who controls my every single movement.....

It is so frustrating, demoralising, and dissapointing.....

I just wish dey will understand one day...
& i just wish "he" will understand y am i needing so much to feel loved....

A Girlfriend Grief

2008-01-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

sigh....sigh...sigh......
she so missing dose courting days......
so many guys to choose frm....
so many msges frm lovely strangers......
and.............
dose late night calls without fail......
frm him......

is he worth it..?
is he da one..?
is he worth da risk?

sumtyms she feel if she ever being appreciated....
sumtyms she feels, he want her to be somebody else.....

Shud she sacrifice for him,
but y can't he juz sacrifice a bit tym for her...

Y can't he juz keep himself not tired on da day when he's free to mit her...
it's not dat she can mit him everyday...
it's not dat he picks her up frm her work everyday.... (NEVER in fact!)
and it'snot dat he sms-ed or call her every now & den....
it's juz so hard to sacrifice a bit tym for his sweetheart....

She never feel loved,
but hav heard how sweet and sumtyms tough love can be...
So wat's happening to hers...?
is diz love?

She understands how busy her beau is....
duty as a worker..... duty as a son.... duty to his BANDS.... but wat about duty to his GF?

geesh.....
she just want to feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel she belonged....
how long can it take to text a simple sweet msg to her...
coz wif dat juz simple sweet msg is enuf to makes her smile da whole day...

how much trust can she give,
how much can she belief dat it wud work
if he didnt even ever give her an ASSURANCE?!!!
and IS still contacting her fucking EX-GF whom he had LOVED & had so much fucking fantasies!!!

!!!!AAaaaRrrarGgggHhhh!!!!

he noes da reason y she doesnt like calling him....
dat's y she will always wait for his calls....

Eeergh!
Loves is so fucking hard....

She so treasured diz relationship much....
but she didnt noe how long can she endure....

she always hope if he understands.....
little things do counts....
juz let her noe....
speak it out....
let it out....
how can she tell if he continue to bottle it all up inside...
coz she hate to guess wat's happening coz she'll always accused of blunt assumptions....

tink she juz have to play numb for da time being...
coz expecting too much and it wont happens feel damn SUCKS!!

Sour-Sweet Sunday...

2008-01-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

Well,
hmm, today was kinda a roller coaster man....

was kinda down early in da morning....
ma nose still stuck, ma voice still sound rusty....
(even da call frm J-production last night asking me to come down for briefing was not really a turn on!)
And i kinda had a little tiff wif Mr J... ( it's so sickening... but we did settle it out den)

But den later dat afternoon....
................
.......................
..................

it rains HEAViLY...............................
damn heavy...................

hahahahahaa!!!
kk, staraight to da point....

i GOT THRU DA SEMis! even thou i sound so blocked!

LiFEN, ZUB & NOOL( zub's fren), and ma always dere to support me iLA, were dere being a good sport...- thnx gerls,luv ya loads..

and da best part to end da day......
COiNCiDENTALLY.....
guezz wat?
Mr J was in da same MRT as me on da way back home, juz dat me & ila was on da other end of da cabin, while he's on da other end of da cabin...
it's just so coincidental,
when he calls, i was in da train and both heard da "toot-toot-toot" sound of da closing MRT at da same time frm each other fon....
isnt dat like so COOL!!
hahaha!!
Hmmph...
sweet kn....
haizz...
hehehee...

nytz ppl....

shud i upload da talentquest vids...?
hmmm, still thinking siah, i'm so big in dat vidz, and dere's a voice crack in between da songs when i wana change to the higher note...
hmm...

SiCkness again!

2008-01-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

Hur..hur..hur....
i'm sick again.....
and i'm having diz Talenquest competition thingy diz SUNDAY!!
how bad can dat be....
Geesh!

Life is so damn bloody sucks!
especially when sumthing nice happening to me, dere's sure sumthing to cock it up...

Well, Muharram (it's da new yr for Muslim ppl) just past few days ago...
my mom still keep nagging as usual...
i duno wat's wrong wif dem... or mayb wif me...
but...
i duno...

sumtimes i wonder who am i living for...?
GOD? my mother? my father? my granny? my FAMiLY? my whole entire relatives...??
y can't i just choose wat i want and how my life gonna be wif directions frm god(Allah) without ppl direct me wat and how to do it.... i mean 'He' da BiG BOSS ryt? and "He" dun FORCE! but y r dey?!!

it's so fucking fuck up...
like as if dey noe wat's good for me....
But as u (peeps who noes me) noe, wat had dey done to make ME PROUD.. ? (i'm toking bout me, to hell with wat kind of thing which makes dem proud... i dun think dey are proud of me in any where either..) ZiLCH!!! and watever i do to makes me happy is all by ME!!

I juz need my SUPERMAN to save me and take me away frm all diz nonsense dat i'm stucked wif...

i'm sorry, if i sound so stuck up in diz entry... well, i am...!
i'm juz sad, depressed, y cant my parents be proud of wat i hav, and be supportive of it...
Da fact is, dey noe i'm bloody good at it... den y hide it.... Eeergh!!!
y cant dey be happy when i'm happy!!
it's ironic isnt it.....

And most of da times i do feel like i'm born in a wrong family...
like my mom and dad are sum other souls out dere...
sum happening ppl... who maybe had thrown me to both of my boring parents coz dey are to bz wif deir own life...
haha!! i duno...
haiz..(astagfirwa'al'azim)

Well, still....
aku redha..
wat else can i do, den just bersabar and bersujud kepadaNya...
Kerana Dia maha mengetahui, maha mengasihi, maha segala-galanya...
Amin...

iDN UNiVERSE COMPETiTiON

2007-12-12T22:20:00.001+08:00

entered diz design competition by iDN..... Hopefully i won! at least second prize at least..?? Aiyoooo!!! Pray & wish me all da best ya!!

Luv u ppl!!

iDN UNiVERSE

2007-12-12T21:55:00.001+08:00

entered diz design competition by iDN..... Hopefully i won! at least second prize at least..??
Aiyoooo!!! Pray & wish me all da best ya!!

Luv u ppl!!

Of back to da OFfice....

2007-12-12T21:22:00.000+08:00

Well...well....well....
after da whole 2 weeks cooped up in NTU,
am off back to da office....

Excited?

well....hmm....
i got no comments....
hahaha!!

but diz is wat i had done dere at NTU during dose boring times...
when my lappy is charging, when my boyfren's not calling, when ma colleague too tired to entertained me....

camwhoring in da toilet!!

hahaha!!

BOREDOM

2007-12-04T15:05:00.000+08:00

....BOREDOM iS KiLLING ME SOFTLY....

had been almost 9 days i'm here in NTU doing this exhibition; "The Way of Asian Design" which in partnership with Singapore Design Festival.
I've got no idea why my big boss choose NTU of all places to set up the exhibition.

First:
-it was far..... damn bloody far...... very very far..
try to imagine, if i were to take cab frm central, it already cost ard 15-20 bucks. How far dat can be if i were to take cab frm ma place.

Second:
-it was boring! damn bloody boring.... very very da boring.....
i have to sit in da exhibition room (a glass room sort of ) looking out through the glass outside with nothing to see only da empty road, da empty rooms, da empty pond.. (how patehtic dat can be!)

Thirdly:
when boredom struck, my minds start to wander.....
and it always wander to da bad ol days or da bad days, or juz about my patehtic life which will always without fail spoils ma bloody already boring day....

and to make matter worst, i'm here all alone today, as ma colleague cum ex-classmate is sick and unable to so called accompany and entertained ma nonsense today....

Haizzz.....

but den i realise sumthing which i can say sort of a miracle happenings...
i DUN MiND BEiNG ALONE! ( i dun complain y ma bf didnt called me, my gerls are too busy, y bad things always happen to me yada yada yada...)
in fact, i'm kinda loving it diz way...
to ma surprise also, i can even go for lunch alone! (which i rarely or hate doing it)
hahaha!
but den wait...................

GEESH!!!
am i turning into a boring person...?!!
........................................
........................................
........................................

Oh no i don't tink so...
maybe it's ma confidence level or let's juz say ma maturity had gone one level up again....
hehehe...

hmmm....
and ya,
to think again, it's ma life after all, and i'm da one controlling it.
So wat if it's a boring place, etc..etc....

Although i keep on irritate ma colleague cum ex-classmate,
"They shud have an amusement park here! Or at least a playground for us!"
heheheee... i noe, i sounds crazy.. but seriously dey shud work hard and play hard too, no play is so no, no...

k, back to da topic,
so instead of me complaining bout how bored (but it is man!! i duno how da hell student survive dere!!) i told myself to look on da bright side, happy tots, happy tots....

(guess being alone make me tink super alot yea... hehe... dun mention, it happens EVERYTiME!)

da food is cheap, it's quite serene, most of da ppl dere are geeks and out-of-fashion which automatically makes me da ehem... da most fashionable one..
hahaha!!
and when i'm bored i go "shopping" as da "shopping centre" dere is quite cheap too!!
(hehehee, i'm so in ma own world now, it's actually a supermarket cum groceries store, u can find almost everything dere, cheap!)

So dat's how it's gona be, till da 8th of December 2007..
I'm so missing da fun at da other Design show...
haizz...

kk, trying to tink positive again...
it's not dat easy k...

Haizz...
Eeergh!!

tired state of mind

2007-12-02T21:34:00.000+08:00

Hav u ever wonder,
if u're at your very climax state of anything;
doesnt matter if you're tired, excited, bored or even angry......
you tend to wish, hope, crave.....
u feel sumthing's amiss, so much desiree for sumthing which sum times even impossible or out of da world......
den.....

u minds tends to wander.......

if only ur bf cud b wif u 24/7 spending every little time together,
if only ur best buddies is always dere to hav fun together, da gossiping, da all hearty out thingy, da sisterhood, or baldiz we usually say.......

Or wif juz his hugs & kisses and his special sumthing which will eases da stress away....
And how u wish all diz happens without u needing to tell dem wat to do, asking for it, needing to be qns and answered wif yes and no coz it kinda sucks big time sumtyms.....

Y cant it juz happen like a miracle...

Or or, mayb a surprise mayb?
I dun mind being a follower althou i used to be da lead or cheap kadam last time, missing dat badly actually... hehe but i dun mind thou seriously, be a gentle leader of coz....

*sigh*
i'm damn fucking tired.......

and well, i can't cover ma alter ego no more,
it's not like usually i used to say or always make myself to belief dat mayb or i guezz or i think i'm missing him....
but i think....
geesh well....

i'M missing him bloody damn LOADS!!....
i guezz...
haha!! geesh, quit denying bimbo!
haizz......if only........ if only he noes.........
hehehee....
i'm tired la.....

miss u ma beau...
mmuacks....

Horny Constipation..?

2007-10-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

This is superly weird...
Other den watching porn or sum x-rated movie or dose uneccessary scene etc, etc....
Da hornyness sumtyms get it to me when i'm in constipation!!
It's damn cynical yet very da true.....
HAhahaa!!
WEirDy eyEzZy!!

i hate BEiNG....

2007-10-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

i hate being FAT........!!!!
sumtimes i feel like liposucting all ma fats and donated it to all da ppl in Africa!!

i hate being USED..........!!!
i mean, i'm already 22! I have my own dignity & pride to uphold to, and i'm just sick of being used, intentionally or not, i just hate it!!

i hate being NORMAL.....!!!!
i mean, i got talents, i'm not stupid (although i failed my o level and went to ite), i want to be SUMBODY, maybe a millionaire in 10 yrs time....

i hate being TREATED LIKE A CHILD.......!!!!
helllloooo!!! i'm in ma 20's already madda!! and she still pester me to blacken ma red hair!!! wadda F*ck!!

and sumtyms i just hate being da NiCE ONE.....!!
haizz, but wat to do, i hav to, i mean, we hav to react to situations ryt....

and..and also.... i hate ppl who are CONTENTED wif demself!!
hellooo!! get a live..... i mean puh-lease la ehk......

and i hate being HATED and live life wif HATRED!!
hah! hehehe.... i mean, i'm no angel ryt.....

but seriously, i really want to go for a lipo la....
Eergh!!!
so tempting eh!!
living wif all diz excess weight!!
Aaargh!!!!
tmw werk again..!!!
BOrrrrRrrrinnnnnnnnnggggggggggg!!!!!!

Imperfect scene in MRT.. :)

2007-10-22T21:57:00.000+08:00

It was the 6-8pm train, The MRT was so damn pack like sardines as usual, where working adults and students rushing back home or to meet their friends or family for dinner or just chilling out.....

I was standing at da corner where i saw two couples. Actually dey were beside and in front of me... hehe...
One is a malay couple, da guy is a decent looking, not really a typical mat, but quite a "goody-goody" type, he took da train with me actually and his girlfren, a "ferring" quite sweet girl la, board da train at bugis.....
This couple wasn't really a perfect match i must say, coz da girl actually look a bit more mature den da guy, but dey were really nice... Dey look so comfortable with each other, smiling, gigling, having a good chat....

den da other couple is a bit clueluess, i'm not so sure weather dey are couple or just fren...
Both i think is an Art student, coz da guy bring an A2 file wif him.
Da guy had a long hair covering his left eyes, a bit blonde at da tip, and wear glasses.
Da gerl, is a bit chubby, not really a fashionista, no make-up, juz a normal brown tee wif jeans, but had a funky hairstyle, dose short layered but hanging long, u noe, dose like most taiwanese pop celebrity kinda hair...
Deir conversation was like a yes no conversation, but dey kinda curik2 pandang at each other kinda thing...

Funny la...
Mcm2 ragam in da MRT..

Den frm dere,
i see that, u dun hav to be perfect to be happy, or to get happiness.
In diz situation, or mayb in a relationship i might say, it's da comfortability, understanding, and having fun with each other is da key to be happy...

Anyway, nobody's perfect, although da reality is dat, everyone wants to be perfect...
It's not impossible, but it's just dat, sumtimes, u just have to be realistic, look at urself in da mirror, are u perfect...?

HARi RAYA!! cum LiTTLE iNDiA funny incident..

2007-10-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

Well,well,well....
hari raya was all fine....
First day, went visiting like usual to ma grandma and grand-aunts place.

kk, da BEST part was....
didnt expect i still get to have some '"collection" moments still, but haha!, rezeki depan mate kaww, kebas jek la...
hehehee...
ya, it's quite nice la, coz dey were all like fine wif it coz i juz started work and all, so y not kn...
hehehee....
........................

Second raye was HECTiC as per USUAL!!
geesh!!
dun wana tok bout it....
...................................................................

haha!!
juz now was from LiTTLE iNDiA!!
haha!!
was wif iLA, Mr J ( hehehee!!! suker..) & his colleague, Rahman...
was juz walking & shopping a little.... move to da indian beat a little....
den ate at Komala's surrounded by mostly da indians... (mcm pat india sak! haha! mcm paham)
and da funny part, when we pass by diz VCD shop ( i think)---->>
dey were like playing diz video wif two funny indian man wif thick and curly moustache and so da "ngotot" shouting out "GAMUK, GAMUK, GAMUK!!" i cannot da tahan siah, ila was in front of me but was like no reaction, when i turn back to look at Mr J, he was tahan'ing his laughter sak!! i so cannot da tahan any longer but to let it all out in front of his face, so me & Mr J went to one corner and lepaskan kekek di perotz....
it sounds so funny sak tak bedek, wif it's thick & fast indian accent, kejap bunyi mcm gemok2, pon ader...
WAHAHAHAHA!!! kecoh bebz... hehee...

haizz... life... life....
hehee...

tmw got to werk la...
alah!!
hehee...

Jessica Sanchez

2007-10-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

iSn't she's AWESOME!!
Geesh, she had ma hair stands on ends and tears in ma eyes..
She had really move me..
Da time has come for me to re-LiVE DA DiVA iN ME!!

hahahaa!! ;p

..::iNFECTED LUNGS::..

2007-10-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

it's not me,
but ma dear Mr J,
yea, he's been sick like 2 weeks plus now,
and was found out that he has a lung infection only juz now...
Haizzz....
not quite sure how serious it was,
but he was sent down to CGH for an x-ray.
Was damn worried thou...
But he such a RASCAL!!
he scare da wits out of me!!
when only like hours after the check-up,
he cheekily called and chuckled dat he got 3days MC,
so happy siah, like nothing happened like dat...
while aku dah sot sak pat keje...
Haiyo!
tak ke sempot ku dibuatnyer...

Hmph!!
Geram kan...

KARAOKE-ING

2007-10-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hahahaa!!
karaoke-ing wif Wanie yesterday was pure FUN!!
i was like craving for it.....
and i got ma dosage after like months of no karaoke-ing!
So high on ma own vocals!!
hahaa!! crap!
seriously, if it's not ma gurls, or Mr J, karaoke-ing is da other thing which makes me smile...

Thnx WaNie!! ;)

FUCKED UP FRIDAY CUM SHOCKiNG SAT

2007-10-06T20:50:00.000+08:00

Well, hav been all emo diz few weeks...
Being jobless wif nothing to do...
u noe, when u got nothing to do, ur mind tends to wander around, keep thinking about this and dat, about the future, wat will b tommorrow, den da day after, den in 2 yrs time, in 5 yrs time, in 1o yrs time, will i be married den..? Wat will i be doing den..? Will i have ma own biz by den...
GEESH!!
And to run away frm all dose uneccessaries tots........
u get outta ur crib juz to release all dose strezz frm within,
but another thing arouse..........
nobody to go out and chill wif, and no money to enjoy happily...
ERGH!!
and den, with da fasting month and shawal around da corner....
it juz adding salts to da wounds...
mommy wif her rempeyek biz, nag, nag, nag..
cookies not made yet! (left with like less den a week!!)
home not yet made-up...
i juz hate diz seasons...
HAIZZ...
and ma Mr J is being sick dese few days... in fact weeks!!
pity ME!!!!!! ( well, it's me to be pity for ok, i missed him a lot!! :'(
kk, met him for a while la yesterday but it's juz for a while, and it's a FUCKED UP FRiDAY la yesterday..
Seriously..
i'd cursed, i'd scolded, and i'd CRiED yesterday.... (thnx Ween, for being dere, even on da fon... touching kan..hehe.. syg kak BiG!), and Hany, so sorry to get u involved, hehee..
....................................................................
kk.....
but hopefully all diz will end,
sumday.. mayb sooner, hopefully....

but da good news is,
I"M NO LONGER JOBLESS!!!!
yeah behbey!!
thnks to LIFEN, she recommended me to her boss..
Love her la! ;)

one good things had happened,
my prayers had been answered...
well, hoping to more good things to come...
IsyaALLAH... ;)

2007-10-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

Bored la.
Waiting for calls.
Sitting in front of da lappy.
Looking for jobs.
Cleaning ma room.
Washing da laundry.
Praying hard for dat Junior Graphic Designer job.
Watch tv......

Kk, 15 more minutes to ma all time fav morning shows.
ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW ;)

2007-10-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

Been so lazy in updating da blog...

Well, a hell load of things had been going on...

- had maself out frm ma previous company!!
- had went to BANGKOK wif ma gerls!! (sadly sha can't make it, and for Joobz, no rezeki la beb..)
- and been 6months plus wif Mr J!! ( Alhamdulillah.. still loads to learn thou..)
- and now buzy searching for job.....

Diz is just the summarize of da whole thing...

Will update more soon..!! ;)

2007-07-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

*Sigh*
little monsteress is so missing little monster...
after dat arguement dey had dat previous day, she felt damn stupid....
Little monstress dun even noe y and how can she became so narrow minded, so pessimistic which indirectly hurt little monster.....

"Sorry dear..."
dat's all she can say feeling damn sorry and regret.....

Since dat day,
she missing the old little monster even more.....

She still feel sumthing is amiss...
sumwhere...
sumhow.......

Little monster is so busy werking this few days.....

*sigh*

Little monsteress is damn missing little monster....

damn terribly much......

2007-07-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

o7-07-07

YEah, everybody "kiasu"ing when comes to diz kinda day, date to be exact...
everyones wana creates history on diz kinda date....

As for me, hmm.... nothings BiG really happens,
juz feeling tired, juz came back frm bintan, for diz 10th Anniversary function for one of ma client.

And hopefully ma darling BF is doing fine and behaving himself (haizzz, rally hope he's behaving perfectly well...and is good at health) at thailand... Hope's his performance is a BLAST.. yeah! hehee

And lastly, sorry HERWANiE, i cant make it to ur wedding function...
i'll call u dear sis/beb...

And gerls....
(ween, dahlia, huddy)
although i was like straight frm bintan to Apollo Centre...
K-ok ing wif u guys is still da best!!
Ween dah terror!!
hahahaa!!

signing out for today....
ChiOZz!
gua penat beb!! ;)

2007-06-29T12:19:00.000+08:00

Hmm.....

y is he acting weird for the past few days....

is he tired...??

fewer calls day by day......

and when she called, he ask her "yea, wat do u want calling me...?"

of coz she's stunned....

Is little monster turning into an ugly monster,

or is he just plain tired with his hectic schedule.....

Little monsteress is bloody damn sad...

I can really tell....

She missed those late night calls toking to him...

Dose unecessary calls not once in a while but all da tym.....

Hmmm....

mayb, he's juz tired....

Dear little monstress,
dun strezz yourself too much thinking bout it, mayb little monster is just too tired....

Mysteries of the Sexes Explained - David Zinczenko

2007-06-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

Grabbed from Yahoo HEalth!

Mysteries of the Sexes Explained

Provided by David Zinczenko

From an early age, men get hammered with the same message about how to treat women: More compliments, more listening, more romance. That's all well and good, as it should be. But sometimes, especially as relationships progress, men can also feel on the short-end of the fawning stick: Nearly 70 percent of men say they wish they received more regular compliments from their partner. I'm not suggesting that every guy has to be coddled and cuddled with verbal roses, but every once in a while, it's nice to throw one his way. While guys aren't particularly amped by compliments like "nice eyes" or "you're so beautiful," there are a few, simple things a woman can say to a man that really get him going. To wit:

"Your arms are definitely looking bigger."
Men can be just as paranoid about the way their bodies look as women can be. In fact, nearly 90 percent of men in a national Men, Love & Sex survey say there's at least one body part they'd like to change (42 percent saying they want a new gut). While men don't necessarily want women to lie if they're out of shape, it never hurts to notice he's looking good -- or at least trying to look better.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
Guys spend all of high school, the better part of the work day, and at least 12 times a day via e-mail trying to make people laugh. Because men value their sense of humor as one of their most important qualities, a hearty, genuine laugh is as flattering as it gets."Wow."Doesn't matter whether it comes as he's getting undressed or after you've finished having sex, this short, sweet word (best done in a whisper) may just be the ultimate ego-stroke. A picture may say a thousand words, but this three-letter word sums up roughly 10,000 of them.

"You the man."
Guys hear this all the time. From other guys. They hear it at work, on the golf course, and when one dude from the group buys the beer. But if it comes from a woman -- no matter the context -- the message is that, hey, we're buddies, too. Which is actually pretty darn sexy.

"The kids just adore you."
More than 50 percent of men say that their families -- more so than work and salary -- are what defines them most as men. So when a woman affirms that he's a familial hero, it's a compliment that stretches way beyond anything you could ever say about his haircut."What do you think?"We've all seen it a million times with long-married couples: They engage in cerebral power struggles, where neither can concede on anything -- whether it's the best way to move a piece of furniture or the fastest way to reach the interstate. I'm not saying that men should have the only say in decisions, but some guys do feel like they actually have very little.

"Cute feet."
Typically, it doesn't matter much to men if women like a part of their body that they don't control, like their eyes, jawline, or body hair. And typically, guys care for the word "cute" about as much as Paris cares for the penal system. One exception: The part of the body that is classified as being especially gross. Tell a guy he has good feet, and somehow he takes it as a double-bagger compliment -- that you not only like his genetics, but also that you appreciate he can keep himself better groomed than the rest of the gnarly-nailed heathens out there.

"Meow."
The stats show that 61 percent of men think their partners aren't sexually adventurous enough. While a feline one-liner doesn't automatically qualify as adventurous, it does show a bit of inhibition, and the message is one he likes to hear: That perhaps he's brought a little bit of the animal out of you.

"Impressive."
Guys love feats. They love accomplishments. They love being acknowledged for their strength, power, and, simply, their masculinity. So a well-timed observation like this one -- whether it comes after he carries a TV to the family room or figures out a way to fix the pipes without having to call the plumber -- feeds into his need to feel like the family protector.

"I want you."
Women don't need to go on about a guy's eyes or hair or clothes. What a guy really wants to hear is that he's the total package, and this acknowledgement of that -- whether it's referring to bedroom behavior or relationship stability -- is the ultimate compliment of them all.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

~am still learning.....

Love Him Cause He Loves Me??

2007-06-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

He says "I LOVE YOU"...
She told him "I LOVE U TOO"...
before she qns him y he loves her (as usual)..
He questioned her first...
"Y DO U LOVE ME..."
She was stunned.... dumfounded...
Her smiles wears off, her mind went blank....
thinking hard...
her minds keep asking... why..why...why....
but to no avail....
"ermm... i duno.. becoz u love me..."
He was eagerly waiting for her answer but only to be dissapointed with her answer.

She feel bad...
Guilty....
All diz while she wants reason y he loves her..
But when it's her turn, she juz cant cum out with one...

But dat doesnt bother her much thou,
coz she's loving sumone who LOVES her...
She duno when, how, where this weird feeling came frm...
but it's growing so much, she's totally confused bout it too...
Guezz that's y ppl say LOVE IS BLIND..

But i think she noes the reasons y,
it's all in her hand,
well actually in her little secret notebook which she used to jote down wat kinda guy suits or attract her kinda thing, well so called how her "dream guy" supposed to be..
Maybe it just havent reached to her head yet...
heh...

Hmm,
i remember sum of the criteria that she wants,
she want sumone sweet, who can makes her laugh, musically incline and respects her as a woman...

Well, little monster,
give little monstress time to think...
As u noe,
she can be slow and little dumb sumtyms,
playful and a bit childish at tyms....
Most of the time i might say..
haha...
Guezz dat's y u like little monstress ryt..?

Dun fret little monster,
keep loving little monstress with all ur heart sincerely,
and i promise, little monstress won't leave u....

Cheers! ;)

2007-06-10T21:58:00.000+08:00

I duno wat i am NOW.........

total LOST....

i'm missing ma PASSiON....
ma LiFE............
ma LOVE.............

The world is soooo.....
Fair??

izit...??

Nobody's perfect, yea i noe....
but can i at least get sumthing near to perfect.......

I longed for sumone who can guide me,
(duniawi & ukhrawi)
entertaint me,
(ma badots when i'm down)
support me morally,
(especially wif ma arts & singing thingy going on)
ma confidante........
(when i'm really, really super down, when i nid sumone to hang on to, and to feel secured, like now....)
sumone whom u call "my partner in crime"...
(laugh, fight, criticize, cry... together!! pure joy!!)

*sigh*

But..........

i'm so tangled up!!
so frustrated....

*sigh*

no regrets thou......
juz purely confusion, so messed up, bloody tangled with tight knots...

yeah it's true LiFE needs sarifices.. (watsoever f*cking shit)

but....

*sigh*

i'm so frustrated wif maself....
No turning back thou....
i had to face it all alone.... all by maself....
LIKE A REAL MAN! (hahahaa!! wadda f*ck)

can u bear ur man going out having such FUN,
while u at home worrying sick like a dumb bimbo...?
So bloody hopeless and tight up wif stupid curfews and parents well overprotected shit!!
(yea cant stay up late to hav fun together wif him, & to think dat dere's another bitch hanging ard wif him.... can u bear such stuffs..?? izit ma fault? his fault? dat bicth fault? or it's juz FATE??!!)

i can''t go on wif life like diz,
worrying, pondering bout ma pathetic life...
which is neither here nor dere....
and always thinking bout so called not so wild but kinda wild to me, MAN..
PATHETIC!!
i nid ma FUN life back!
(guezz diz is da only way to pull me back on track, so i wont feel useless ard him or to think dat i'm da one who'll always hanging out wif his group of frenz-no issue here, i juz missed ma own fren... and to stop worrying bout minor2 stupid things, which some can actually turns into a major one)
and am missing it damn, damn badly....

y i'm worrying like a dumb bitch in da first place....
has ma LOVE grown dat much towards him..??
ShiT!
dat's da reason y i hate LOVE and love only feeling to be LOVED...
i wana be maself....
doing ma thing.....
i dun wana be sumone else juz bcoz i'm in LOVE wif a man....
(being appreciated or not, i still wana b wat i wana b, wat i've been DREAMING of wat i wana b...
i'm GONA BE WAT I WANA BE)

*sigh*

I wana take and swallow all diz up LIKE A REAL MAN!
spur diz on LIKE A REAL MAN!!
suck in all da tears and face it LIKE A REAL MAN!!

but am i strong enuff......
am i able to handle diz all alone.....

Oh LORD!!

Has ma LOVE grown dat so bloody much towards him...??

DAMN!!

i need guidance......

*sigh*

2007-06-09T01:27:00.000+08:00

Weird....
Life is weird.....
sumtyms u feel so happy, u feel like u're on top of the WORLD!!
sumtyms u feel so low.... damn low... u feel like jumping down and burried a hole deep down...

Life is superly weird,
full of surprises, chocolatey sweetness, and not forgetting the sour and bitter bit of it...

Heh,
funny when were to think back hmm... ma so called roller coaster life ride...

Life, time, ppl, frens, enemies, acquaintance....
had taught me a lot...
had turned and change me into wat i am, and i think i'm proud of it, thou it's not really well accomplish yet...

I'm still learning thou,
afterall life is about learning, exploring and gaining experiences,
and always to expect the unexpected..

Hah,
kena sound wif ma bf dat tym, coz i didnt make an effort to call him....
he sounds so angry den....
i feel bad but deep inside i was smiling....
Smiling, doesnt mean i'm mean,
it's seem sweet la....
(hehee... gatal...)
i understand his angst la.. i mean if i were to be in his shoes, i'll be "cacing kepanasan" gak seyk...

Hmm toking bout scolding,
i dun mind the scoldings if it's rational...
i dun mind the warning if it's logical...
i dun mind the curses and swears if it's reasonable...
and i dun mind da discussion if dere's a good direction with a good purpose...

afterall, i'm learning.....

but it just get on ma nerves if it's so vice versa, ridiculous and stupid.

coz i think i cant tolerate any more nonsense frm ma werkplace...

totally ridiculously nonsense... No Sense.. No Meaning...

hmm, patience plays a major role in ma life too..
being a hot tempered idiot, egoistic bitch, and stuck up bimbo.....
da talent of patience really did helps a lot....

But sumtyms, it gets too much, dat it makes me Numb and eventually brain dead which most of da tym makes me look so stupid like a Dumb ass!

HAhAhaa!!
i nid to tink carefully on planning ma future ryt...

I think it's da tym for me to moovee on.......
yea.....
wif ma life.....

Life is unfair,
yeah, it's true...
and dat's da reason y i wana make it, at least i FEEL it,
dat it's fair....

Mmuacks!
Luv luv... ;)

2007-05-31T02:06:00.000+08:00

he believe that he can forsee or sense ppl ard him...
and can smell who's the rotten egg and read ppl like a book sensing wat's good and wat's not...
he says she's a decent girl.... decent......naive.......
but he says he's afraid she turns into an ugly monster....

well,
she says she's uncomfortable with ppl who seems they noe wat she's like, coz she don't really noe who he is yet dat much...
and she prefer that he to spill it out to her rather den keeping her in confusion which led to agitation and will end in teary eyes.....
She feel hopeless bout her being clueless and dumb... Hate it...
and she hate that he keeps a lot of thing within him...... noeing that he seems to noes wat and/or she is..
and she's afraid he'll turn back being an ugly monster...

*taken frm "Monster & Monstress by Lunia Isabelle"

~eN~

2007-05-31T01:36:00.000+08:00

Being baffled with
LOVE.....

wat's the beauty of it...
coz there's
care...
concern....
trust...
believe....?

but y sometimes there's,
secrets.....
lies.......
confusion......
complications.......?

do ones if in LOVE noes dey need/wud b,
hurt.....
sacrifice......
endurance......?

ppl believe " true LOVE doesnt need reason...."
but i prefer with REASONS...

ppl believe LOVE the ones who truly LOVES u....
i believe, dun be too sure bout it......

ppl believe it's OK TO WAIT FOR THE CALL, afterall without fails the fon will ALWAYS RiNGS....
i say, wat if it didnt.....

still learning wat LOVES means....
afterall never be CONTENTED, SATIATED, SATISFIED.....

but can ones stay and still LOVE if dere's uncertainty....
not uncertain bout being LOVED.....

but..................

can ones stay and feel secured, to be LOVED by sumone whom she still CLUELESS who he is...??

~eN~

2007-05-31T00:59:00.000+08:00

Life oh Life.....
loads of sweet, bitter, sour things had happened....
Firstly....
Happy 22nd B'day to me!! (13th may 2007 in conjuction of mothers' day!!)
Secondly.....
Happy 2 month Anniversary to me and Mr J ( 28th May 2007)

Life oh Life.....
Sumtyms i'm so hating u.....
Sumtyms i'm so loving u.....
Sumtyms it seem complex and complicated,
Sumtyms is so damn easy and simple dat eventually end up in bore...

Life oh Life.....
I'm tired of living in dumbness....
numbness......
tiredness........
sadness...
and.......
baffled-ness.....
every now and den.....

Life oh Life.....
shud i fake it.....
or shud i be wat i am...
or like wat ma forte is now....
being numb and dumb....

Life oh Life.....
I duno wat am i suppose to do wif u...
I duno whether i can still go on wif u....
I duno........
shud i leave or endure hanging ard with you.....

~eN~

2007-04-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

Well, here, i am updating ma blog again...
hehee...
well, i'm learning to appreciate my everyday life, trying to recall wat had happened and wat's going on.... wat can b improved on... u noe.... learn frm history kinda thing, hopefully for a better tmw.... u noe.....

As for werk, ppl cums and ppl goes...
and now one by one, been sended off to shanghai for events dere....
juz becoz i'm da only malay dere, it's kinda frustrating la...
no life, no gossip, so not happening sak.... i'm like so deprived like dat....
and i see no future dere oso....
haizz.... i love ma job, dat's for sure, as doing events and all, but i think dey lack of communication la, to think dat most of da tym dey will b speaking in mandarin, i'm totally lost everytym, and yea i noe, i've been labelled or seen as a "DUMB BLONDE" dere...
It so sucks la da feeling... Terrible!
Another thing, y i say dere's no future, coz i dun see maself as a 'somebody' dere yet...
i mean, dey told me on da first day dat i'll b given a mentor or dere will b sumone who will guide me for about two wks or so, to like so called make me familiarised with da job scope and all... but den to ma surprised, (dah takde guidance tu satu hal la eh) two of ma colleagues resigned juz after da end of da month, den ppl start cuming in and out, and do u noe who'll be guiding all diz freshies..? ME.. pathetic ryt, but true... isnt dat so ridiculous... I'd only werk for 2wks dat tym..

and i noe dat i've been labelled as "slow player' oso...
like DuH?!!
u tok different frequency ah beb...
ur concept and ma concept is so totally different...
and to think dat dere's about 4 designers (dat tym la) wat do u expect, all having da same style!
i mean i noe la we hav to b versatile and all, but we cant run away frm our style of doing things wat.. (artisans shud noe wadda hell i'm toking about..) and to think dat i hav to do a picture search for every design & no detail and specific instructions, isnt dat ridiculous to actually even start a design...
Eergh!!!

Seriously, for a true graphic designer, i dun think i'll go far if i were to stay dere, coz dere's no exposure la... pape design, company aku yg dpt credit, i mean, i'm not stucking up here, but if deir company kes mcm so wow... hmm.. like who ehk... well, juz take mediacorp la, u noe, or Lime Megazine or wat....

HaiZz, it's super saddening la..... i intend to continue study but for now, with dat super pathetic amount of pay i got every month, it's only enuff for ma everyday expenses....

Eergh!!
think i shud start sending resumes frm now....

Other den werk...

hmm.....
i got 3 kisses on da cheek frm him yesterday....
hehee... it's kiut thou...
and den he remind me dat "tmw" which is today la is our 2nd week officially together...
i was like, u keep track uh....
Aww... a guy who keep track of da counting thingy....
Swit!
hmm... i'm learning still..... Hoping..... Expecting...
it might blossom into a beautiful bright lively roses which make ppl envy with awe yet attracted to it exotic sweet smelling aura of adoration...

WAT DA FUCK SIAH!!
ader makne tak..??
aku bace2 balek, mcm takde makne seyk....
pape la ehk...
kLau bermakne korng bLang aku ehk...
if not aku delete tu part pasal takde maknyenye aku tarok pat sini, buat malu jek...
kwang..kwang..kwang..... hehehee...

MiSsing u gerLss!!! ;)

2007-04-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

Been supperrrr buuuzzzzzyyyyy lately.... (heheheee...well...)

Well, actually sumthing struct me to like update ma blog today...

Been wif him for hmm... think abt 2 weeks for now i guezz.. hehee...
but den only today diz qns pops in ma head...
"WAT MAKES ME WANT HIM..." or "WAT ATTRACTS ME TO HIM"
i was like rewinding and rewinding, thinking of wat was it huh....
seriously i dun hav a concrete reason for now,
but wat i noe now, is dat i'm happy when i'm wif him... comfortable... and no RuShing.. if u noe wat i mean....

den rewind....rewind to how i accept him....
hmmmmm.... dat night... on da fon......
well, casual talking.... like other normal nights..... juz dat wheni told him dere's sum1(whom he actually know) who asked me out for a date, he's was like, "so wat about "us"... yada..yada..yada..... it's kinda touchy2 thingy la, wat i think la... and wat i remember was he saying...
"ok la, a man gota do wat a man gotta do... And you're now ma gurl... dah..." and he do it very da 'selambe' ly..well actually i think it took him quite a courage dere to say dat out... hahaa!!
i was like... "hmm...ouh k..." and dat' how it is...

den forward.....forward back......
as wat i was saying, wat makes me so sure abt him...
frankly, if one glance, he's not really ma type..
den, he into heavy metal core rock...
he dun really hav da expected height dat i was looking for.....
he kadang2 look slenge pon ader... Oopss!! slenge ehk...
well, dat's not really da problem la coz dat wat makes him special.... and oh..... shud i say diz out.... k la... CUTE.. and plus his "R-karat" thingy going on... hahaa!! hmm.. hehee..
aww... hahahaa!! watever.... aint nobody's perfect yea...
da thing is dat, i still hav doubt and yeah uncertainties....
like " y me"... "he like ma character? attitude..??" .... "dat's all...??".... "izit...??" "not becoz of ma assets huh..??...
u noe, dose thousand and one qns about "y he chooses me" dat kinda thing....

hmmm.... watever la ehk.....
i try to put dat aside and go wif da flow....
at least he's not dat sot of guy if u noe wat i mean... ermm....ya la, so far, soo very good... for diz 2weeks or so... hahaa!!
but he did sound serious when he want me thou... dat tym la.... hmmm....
well,
i'm juz happy dat he appreaciate me for who i am, and i'm being loved by sumone who appreciate me...
i'm still learning thou..... not to appreciate or accepting him, coz i had already gone thru dat phase, juz to understand each other better.. hmm... it's dat da thing??... understands... hmm.. and yea finding da answer to all ma doubts, queries, uncertainties dan tg sewaktu degn nye la...

but to think bout it kan, it's kinda cool la, mat rocker & minah hip hop...
hahaa!!
very contradicting kan...
hehee...
haiZzz...
LiFe....

nytzz sweetheartzZz...
MiSs u gerls terribly,terribly bad... esp sha & ween!! :)

2007-04-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

Well...well.....well.....
Here i am...
heheheee....

Fhew!
werking life is sooo soooooooo exhausting.....
but to think dat is sort of ma kind of thing (ma forte la gitu)... I'm happy....
but....ermm...... fulus nye la..... tak bleh angkat beb.... keciput!!
...................but ya la, at least i hav a job, for now....

Life for me is super interesting this few days.....

I do believe in miracles...
and always expecting da unexpected...

And to ma own surprised...
yea... i repeat, MA OWN SURPRiSED....
i'm ATTACHED!!!!
yea...
officially on tuesday nite, wed morn, sumwhere dere la... take it 28th March '07 la...
i cant believe it maself either....

Hmmm....
kinda happy... kinda clueless still.....

well, shall give it a try la...

but of course, i hope it will last...
DUH! hahahaa!!

but i still leading a normal life thou... dun wana b too ta'sub la, u noe, coz dat's wat i'm afraid of....
but as for now, juz go wif da flow la... hehee...

k...k...... for some, u guys mite b wondering who.....
well..... it's "LQ"....
heheheee....

so it's not a dejavu anymore, or same script diff cast... or watever la....

juz pray for me la peepz...
insyaAllah....

Bless u all ma darlz...

2007-03-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm....
it's been a while uh.....
well, life hav been quite exhausting diz past few weeks....
Werk is fun, but i'm still clueless sumtyms....
to make things worst, ma boss is in China wif his so called girlfren which is our financial advisor to handle sum events thingy dere....

LQ---
we did went out a few tyms now....
but i still havent feel da sparks la....
he's caring, understanding.... but i duno y i juz cant feel it yet la....
i'm trying hard actually to make it cum (as in da feeling la)
seriously i feel like i'm out wif any of ma guy frenz u noe....
well, take it slow la....

but for a meantime, i do go and mit-up a few "peeps" la...
i feel bad actually, but i dun wana like make-use of him kinda thing....
i duno la....
like wat i said, i'm following da flow.....

LIFE AINT EASY AFTERALL....

hmph.....

"God pls lead me da way......"

2007-03-03T14:26:00.000+08:00

i was wondering....
gerls pls do help me out in diz...
TRuThfuLLy.....
well, i noe, maself (although not dat much yet) but i noe maself kinda well....

Which category am i in...?
as in UGLY or BEAUTIFUL or etc..etc....

well, i noe, i'm FAT... call me watever u want, i am so used to it....
it's not a taboo for me or watsoever....
but i noe i'm not UGLY dat's for sure... (ryt gerls)
i was flabbergasted when i was told dat i'm being 'Liked' based on ma attitude (thnk u... i accept dat ) and den continue toking2...... bla..bla...bla...... den say "..... i fikir eh, kLau sume orng nak yg lawa, abeh yg gemok, yg ugly2 sume mcm mane kan nasib dorng..." (sounds something like diz la) k, well, i noe he doesnt hav any bad intentions or wat....
but it FUCKING SUCKS!!
i dun nid ppl sympathy for goodness sake...
so wat if i had been single all ma life... it's not dat aku tak laku....
it's juz dat i'm fucking damn CHOOSEY! i admit dat....
i noe i'm fat... but i oso noe, clearly.... i'm not ugly....
well, i noe dat i'm not super drop dead to the floor hot gorgeous la...
but i noe, where i stand....
and he added dat he dun prefer pretty gerls coz dey like flirting ard....
ermm.... well...well...well.....
i do hav ma other side.....
dat's da problem here....
and u noe wat.....
he sounds shocked, when he noes dat i do hav model like frenz (guys)..
he was like, dey go after u uh..?
i was like, kinda i think.... (duh! i'm not ugly la darling... haiyo...)

hahahaa!!
but seriously....
i feel bad ryt now...
seriously....
guilty....

2007-03-03T14:00:00.000+08:00

Love....
wat is actually love....?
beauty? kindness? concern...? sincerity? sacrifices...??
Looking and searching for "love" is painstaking...
Sum say, it's better dat we go for sumone who love us, it's long-lasting dat way..
But wat if we really can't afford to love dem back...
dat's sympathy.. not love...
& when loves cums naturally without we even realising it....
we dumfounded....
confused.. weather dat's love or still an illusion or in fact juz out of sympathy reason..
but sumhow it do keeps me smile and entertain...
it's juz dat, i dun feel da 'LOVE'...
bt i noe.... it's ard...
it'z juz dat i cant feel it yet...
can i still flirt and search?
Looking for da one dat i want...
can 'he' wait...?
am i such an egoistic bastard.. self-centered bitch?
hmph....
i noe, i can't get a perfect guy....
but i want at least a near-to-perfect....
ask me wat izit? trust me, i dun noe wat ma near-to-perfect guy is oso....
i'm in distress....
mentally and physically.......

...NEWBiE...

2007-02-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

Now i noe how izit feels to b a newbie...
well, mayb i'm too emotional bout it, but to think back again i dun think so...
coz i noe i can rely on ma instinct....

dere's diz senior of myn who thinks i'm such a dumb blonde...
to make long story short, now, after seeing wat i can do, he seems ok la....
like watever....
well, mayb true la, blom adapt to da place yet.... and like wat ween says, it's da "Newbie Syndrome" (sounds cool ryt.... hahahaa!!)

but da worst thing had not cum out yet...
k, it's not really bout work but it happen during werk tym...
dere's diz so called "uncle" who's office is juz beside ma co. off, trying to b a lil hanky panky wif me.... Scary siah....

Later i found out, he is such a jerk as he actually not pester only me, but another one of ma collegue too.... Siak jek siol... kaww! scary maut kan....

i NID TO GET A BOYFRIEND FAST!!!!

Eergh!!

Hmm.. toking bout "owning" a boyfriend....
well i juz hope i got it soon before ma b'day la....
i dun wana tok much bout it yet, coz i realise taking it too fast is no good.. seriously no good...
coz diz is wat usually happens.. it's like a cycle... or mayb a CURSE! Eergh!

1> get to noe frm net
2> den chat thru MSN...
3> den thru sms or fon.. (sum doesnt even talk on da fon before...)
4> exhange pics.... (sum stops here... dengo back to cycle one...)
5> den talk nicely...sweetly.... so on and so forth......
6> sum in fact starts to tok cock... (if diz happens, sorry ehk.... bleh pi belah..)
7> den if by luck, mit up....
.......den usually it ends dere... Quiet....
yeap, mengarot kan.....
can't i juz b frenz first wif all diz peeps..? muz i b in relationship hastily...?
is it ma fault? i mean, so wat if dey sense dat i'm not interested in having realtionship wif dem..? can't we b frens...?? BiNgiT kan.... HAiZzz... diz is lyf....

Dat's y, now, i want to kip it low first....
+dun wana b excited tak tentu pasal.....
+dun wana tok bout him to ma gerlfrenz everytym.....
+dun wana think bout him everytym...
+dun wana wait for his call or expect his call everyday (coz dat is super life straining)
+ juz go wif da flow......
althou it's quite irritating & a bit boring... ma relationship wif diz particular guy.. (pG la ehk)
-----i mean like dere's no mooshy2 stuff tok and all, but i think it's better diz way....(tahan jek ah...nanti kLau dah mooshy2 pon, aku start shiok sendiri pastu pastu la... abes! buang2 tenage jek berjiwang sakan...)
>> JUZ GO WiF DA FLOW...
and well, it's true wat ma sha says>>> dun go too fast coz dat's disasterous & da imperfectly perfect is da best..(i think... hahaa!!)
coz dose so called perfect ppl are such an ARSE!! (oopss sorry...!!)
seriously ah....

u noe sumtyms i was like thinking,y cant i get dose good looking, model like, sweet, charming and everything nice kinda guy uh..??
aku tau la aku ni saper... but everyone hav deir own desires ryt.. (puhlease ehk, dun deny... aku cepuk karang... HAhAaaa!!)
and if dere is la.. ( i mean gorgous guy who wana noe me)
dey r all HORNY BASTARDS!!
(like so wat if dey good looking, eh sorry sikit ehk, i'm not a DUMB BLONDE!! thnk fer da compliments thou, but dat doesnt work for me.... iDiOTS!!)
hello i'm a lady k not a woman.... respect sikit ah.....
i mean i noe guys are horny, coz boys will b boys pe kan... i mean gerls hav deir own kinda thing too pe.... but sumhow, for me, i wont b personal bout all dose "things" (if u noe wat i mean..) if u r a stranger to me... is not dat i cant b open... ( serious ah sak, ask ma guy frenz who noes me..) it's juz dat i hav to b in ma comfort zone to tok cock.... ( but still i wont touch on personal stuffs juz general ones...)

As for now, watever ppl wana think bout me.. (especially "dem"...) go ahead... dey hav deir rights... But one thing for sure, u havent get to noe da whole me yet.... coz if u do, i think u will LOVB me... ( ryt peepzz!! hahahaaa!!)

A bit of SPARKS...

2007-02-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

Hehehee...
yeLah.. tadi aku moan and groan....

i forgot to put diz in...

Well, i was like on ma MSN..

den diz fren of myn.. ( a guy fren of myn)
-->> we were like chatting, for a while coz he was sick....
chat punye chat...
suddenly he state " i dont abhor u..." ( as who noes ma MSN i put ::to adore or abhor me:: ryt?)
den i was like, WAT?!! (hahaha!! ketetelan kuz pon menjadi-jadi la..)
den tanpa segan silu dan merasa malu.. i asked him la... "so u adore me la ehk...?"
he replied... "who noes.." (WahAhHAahaha!!!!.... wadda hell.....!!! k..k.. maintain ehk.... but still dat doesnt mean anything kan.... coz he did say he likes ma art work... so ya la, i dun wana get overly excited yet....)

so wat shall i called him ehk....
ermm.... let's call him well give a name la ehk....
called him... tick-Geek..
ok go... HAhHaaa!!

haiyo... giler la aku kan..... wat to do.....
NytzZ ppl!!

UNSATiSFiED..???

2007-02-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

Well....
hmm....
i duno wat's playing ard in ma head ryt now.....

Alhamdullilah...
i gotta job now....
As an event artist...

We did hav a CNY reunion dinner kinda stuff dat last fri...
yea, quite fun la... it's just dat mayb i juz started werk 2 days, and da awkward feeling is still dere... but still, of coz la, how hard i try to be maself oso, it's not dat easy....

I noe diz job is like super COOL... and i'm dying to get it....
but sumthing juz, sum things keeps bothering me....

K well, i'm bout to spill it wat's been bothering me:---

i noe, i want diz job, coz i noe, i'll b loving wat i'll b doing... (which is doing events, design stuffs, meeting ppl and all etc..etc..) and i noe da strezz load i will b facing...
but den again... i'll b going back hm like 7pm everyday... and if dere's events on weekends, i particularly hav no tym for ma self.. (as in spending tyms wif ma gerlfrenz.. or going out wif sha like i used to, or even wif ila...) i dun really noe wassup wif me....
Ader keje susah... takde susah....
mayb wat's bothering me is weather i got to go for blind dates anymore or not... (i duno la... yah.. it sounds super stupid ryt... i noe... wana noe y....)

coz...
KEMENTOT dah mcm siak...
senyap... k fine...i dun wana bother... buat sakit ati sak....

'DL'-->> watever la.. no komen....

den dere diz one "RT"...
he's kinda too mature for me ( i think, particularly 10yrs ma senior la beb...)
but he's swit la (not looks of coz, if not i dun mind sak die senior ker tak! mcm sial kan aku... hahaha!!)
and he start toking bout proposing and all.... and i was like HAiYOo!!.... puhlease la...
(i feel bad sak.... like wadda hell wrong wif me.... y am i so suuuperr duupperr CEREWET ah....)

den another one..
Hmm... let's kol him "LQ"..
well.....
he's a super slow mover...
well, it's not dat i'm not ok wif it....
it's juz dat, i prefer to make it fast... u noe, go straight to da point...
( coz to think dat he has a fren who's been calling me dat tym, contacting me and all and diz fren of his will always talk bout diz "LQ", good and bad stuffs bout him.. & he sound as if both of dem were like trying to woo me kinda thing... ya..ya... watever... he suddenly stops when diz "LQ" hav been actively msging and calling me... like wadda hell... we r only frenz pe.... y muz he stay away kan.. So CHILDISH!)
seriously i'm still clueless bout him....
but sumhow, it's cool, to think dat he'll call me at least once everyday.... (mcm pena dengar kan... dejavu..?? pape la... dat's y i dun wana jump into conclusion..)
well, at least it's good la, to take it slow.. like ma dear sha says, cepat2 nt dat good, he will get bored after dat... (iye ker... mcm mengarotz kan.... kLau dah suke same suker, haizz, mengarotz la dunia nie.....)

Well,
mayb u guyz who read diz will b like...
si eyEzZy ni, mcm2 jantan die kenal ehk tu pon tak puas ker...

abeh dah ader keje bising.. takde keje pon kecoh...
ape jek si eyEzZy ni nak tau....

i duno la peeps...
weather u hav diz in ur head... or it's juz me being pesimistic..

seriously when it comes to guys..
i can get super cerewet... SUPPERLY CEREWET...!!
but i'm kinda desperate actually...
but dat still doesnt mean i can like go for anyone....

den bout work....
i was like...
haizz...
i shall hav to like sacrifice ma tym, ma freedom, and MASELF...
i duno la....

To make matter worst....
ma confidence is super...super LOW ryt now coz of me gaining weight....
SUCKS siah!!!
nak join singing comp pon takde mood tau....

HAaaaiiizzzzzzz.........

DESPERATE?? BiNGiT?? THNKFUL??

2007-02-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

Well...well...well.....
life sure is a roller coaster.....
wher shud i start first....
hmm....k..

JOB: sending resumes... going to interviews, and still finishing ma unfinished werk.. (hehehee..Oppsy...) Hope i get dat job.... (praying hard man!!)

"DL": well, k la... i treasure him... (seriously... coz he appreciate ma friendship...aww... swit isnt it.. he HAV TO!!) and it's clear now( i think....) dat we r only frenz... Good online pal which awaiting still to mit up.. (one fine day...--but i still hold a lil grudges bout da past... hmm...) well, may god bless him la... (for now....)

Another thing, well,
in life ader pasang surutnyer kan....
u noe, i dun really hav da mood for diz mooshy kinda stuff...
but to ma disbelief... GOSH! i got a few unknown peeps asking for ma number.. (online la, where else.. duh-uh?!) but da sucky part (i'm not bitching here... but.... well.....) it's not da quantity dat excites me (REALLY!!... hey, serious la....), but da quality....
I mean, ader yg pendek la.. (cukop la, dengan si kementot tu ehk...), yg u noe la, yg bunyi-bunyi nye cam selenge bacin.. & not really ma kind ah..... whereas da so-called my kind skrng sume M.I.A.. (not forgetting si kementot... well, kla, not really ma kind, but at least, he got dat sumthing...--i tink... ergh!)

KEMENTOT: it sucks coz i had to like msg him first, den he will b like... "yes baby, miss ur voice... call me if u feel like it..." (Huh?? feel like it... wadda hell...??) Eergh! i'm SiCK of all diz nonsense....

Call me DESPERATE....
-but i'm not like, will juz take anyone to b ma boo..
it's more like looking for an "almost-near-to-perfect" husband...
-and i'm not aiming for V'tine.. dat super too soon... i try to get it (if can la) before ma b'day mayb.... (hehee.. hopefully....)

And i kinda get diz so called date?/invites?/outing?, watever la, (ya, u guessed it right.. it's not frm da one dat i favour la)...
still thinking wheather to mit him or not, coz da mit-up day will b on V'tine day...
I dun mind if it's not V'tine day... Eergh!!
hopefully, dere's sum other soul sumwhere out dere, gona ask me out... Or mayb if SHA's not werking on dt day...
i'll juz hav to wait... IMPATIENTLY....!!!

Another thing which bothering me...
juz put him as "PH"...
Eergh!!
think bout him makes ma blood go upstairs....
i duno wat he think bout me.. But if hypocrite is wat he thinks bout me....
Speak for himself!!
Kadang2 kan, org2 gorgeous nie kan.. (ehem..ehem... eh aku tak tergolong dlm category nie la.. aku HOT!.. hahahaa) mcm siak ABES-ABESAN!
u noe when before he noes me, keep msging me, "when can i kol u" la.. "wat u doing" la...
after toking to me ONCE only.. member senyap.... pat MSN pon dah tak timbol (i'm not surprise if he blocked me.. duh-uh?!!), den yesterday, i was like, alah, juz send him forward msges la, n u noe wat i received frm him..? guess la...
k,k... he rply--" who is diz?" followed by "Eh, who is diz laa".. (coz i put to silent dat tym, tak prasan ah die rply...)
Wat does diz show ppl..?? Die sendiri yg bagi aku die peh numbor baru, den here he asking who is ME..?? and expected ah, when i told him who i am, member senyap...
da thing is dat, wat's his problem..??
sape yg nak kenal2 ngan sape inda first place nie..?
den sape yg senyap dulu..?
sekurang-kurang ajar aku pon, aku tak bastard org cam gini la...
I mean, so wat if he's gorgeous?
Wat makes he think dat aku tergile-gile pat die?
Aku sedar ah saper diri aku nie kan... mcm langit ngan bumi gitu kan.. (mmg pon, die pe height 1.92cm sak! tak ker cam bumi ngan langit... aku dah la termentot)
Eh serious ah... WAT'S MA FAULT?!! well, i dun nid him to believe me dat i'm a good gerl (if dat bothering him--coz he called me dat tym ard 3am, and i was like juz reach hm.. yea, he qns me--> u told me u had curfews but u juz reach hm... HELLO?!! i nid a life k.. it's SHA's b'day for goodness sake!!) if a good gerl he's looking for, seriously he MISSED a good 'GOOD GERL'.. and if hypocricy is wat i've been labelled, please la ehk, not everyone is perfect.. Cermin diri tu dulu, he himself noes how hard to b 'GOOD'.... i juz got da feeling, dat diz gerl (well, not dat 'good' if i were to judge by her pics... kinda wild..) might b his gerlfren...
Again... so wat if he got a gerlfren already..??
DUH-UH...??!!!
another LAMER cum LOSERS... (can't live without a gerl, and lived bcoz of a gerl... pft! gimme a break!!)

Fhew!
a lil relieve....
dat all for today.... heheee... ;)

MONDAY BLUES... and shit pour again..

2007-02-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

Monday blues.........
Eergh!!
today is so shitty....

Hmm, well dun u think dat sehappy maner org tu, mesti ader downs dier....
Sesungguhnyer kiter nie sume hanyalah manusia biase...
& oso, jgn lah jolok sarang tebuan kalau taknak disengat, betol tak....

I've been tolerating a lot of nonsense lately, in fact since i graduated frm sec skool....
to a certain extend now, i welcome who ever wana volunteer demself to get deir face smack by me... u're most welcome...

1st--> diz "DL" guy...
noe him for gosh since sept '06 i think.. (quite long uh.. but havent mit)
well, a brief description....
he's 9mth younger den me...
k well, thou i find he's not dat gd looking, he got da height dere...
and althou he's not academically clever, he quite good at making me laugh... (hehee)

When we first got to noe each other, we chat like almost everyday online and on da fon.. but usually on da fon la... & den here again i was like on da way to cloud nine...

i mean like duh?

a guy call u everyday, ask wat u doing, dah makn bla,bla.... and da strong point is dat eveytym ask diz stupid qns "cintakah ko padaku...?"
luckily i am who i am, b firm and say "tak la...."

it do start as a joke thou, but if it is a joke, y must he keep on repeating dat irritating qns...?
of coz it makes me feel bad and kinda guilty saying no and all... but i hav to b firm wif maself.. i can't like fall for sumone whom i duno, and to make it worst frm da net.. dat is like so shallow ryt.. if it is pon, i hav to like mit him first and noe da true him personally pe, not virtually... i mean i hav ma prinsip seyk, if i'm not firm wif maself den i'm degrading maself pe. bukan ego ah beb but i learnt ma lesson well enuff...

Den bebual, "kLau u nak jadi bini i...... bla,bla,bla... " aper nie... i meant nvm... lemme finish ma story first....

So we hav been chatted like so long, even when during bulan ramadhan, he will like msg me in da middle of da nite/early morning asking how am i doing, ( coz i'm bz helping ma mom wif her krepek thingy) touching kan.... tanye bz ker, do tk cr and all...
da last one i remember was, he told me to wait for awhile( coz i juz finish helping ma mom, so supposingly i wud go straight to bed la da pukul 3.30-4 pagi beb) coz he nid to buy food for sahur.. within mins die kol.. i was like, cptnyer... tak ke touching tuu.... ( to think dat he rush to get his food before i hit da bed)...

den suddenly member senyap..... (dat is like sumwhere mid nov-still fasting mth)
i noe he's been doing da kol everytym, den one day i try calling him...
and tru enuff da conversation is not like it use to b... ( dat's y i dun like calling ppl.. it so phobiatic--is dere such word in da first place..? hehe.. watever la...)
den i was like ok go ah... mayb member bz ker...
den it kept quiet again...
(dat's y lah, so used to him calling and smsing me ryt... i do feel da lost la.. duh?!)

den one night i was like online and saw him... (on MSN)
i change ma message option to sumthing like diz la--> "i'm so sick of ppl using me..."
suddenly dengan tak semene2, die msg me saying sorry and apologising and all....
i was like HUH?? wassup..?
den he says, " sorry pasal i make u feel as if i used u.. but i tak tau..."
i was like takde la.. maner ader....
den he says " ye la, i selalu suro u morning kol i la, suro kejot kan i la... sorry eh if menyusah kan u...."
i was like HUH??!!.. (y muz he think dat way?)
i told him it's ok... but i think he still think dat i think he take me for granted...
den i ask him la wat our relationship..??
coz i think, we almost getting dere...
den member senyap.... i was like wassup wif him seyk....
den after a few nudge and all, he rply.. "kawan..."
tak ker remuk ati aku....
sial ah... den wat's wif all da late nite kols..? da morning kols..? da evening kols..? da afternn kols..??
i was BLANK...
total BLANKNESS.....
den i go wif da flow la, takkan aku nak terhegge2 pat die kan... i dun nid a pengecot guy...
aku dah tanye, bagi die chance to say it out pe, den die ckp itu mcm.. i hav ma self respect here sak....
seriously, i missed calling him, giving him miss calls and all dat stupid shit ah....
Com'on la, i'm not sick of doing it seyk, at least i feel i'm wanted.. (wanted or wat... like apreciated uh gituk)

padahal itu tym aku ngah bingit ngan SAM siak!!

and u guessed it ryt, since den, less and lesser calls.....
Wat da f*ck...
guezz i do hav feelings for him, if not takkan aku jadi biol gini rabak sak...

den later after dat which is ending dec or early jan...
he told me, he wif diz gerl frm da net, when asked had met her or not he told me not yet...
isnt dat ridiculous, online dating..?
he told me tu gerl yg nak pat die.. she ask him wat his relationship wif her...
mcm penah dengar kan....
But for her, she was like so flabbergasted uh....
marah2 and all.. sape tak bingit oi...
(and u noe wat he noes her like four mth ago.. dat's like da period when he kept quiet kan.. sumwhere dere ah... think dat's da reason y he feels bad when i put up da MSN msg thingy, ala dat---> "i'm so sick of ppl using me..." well he shud feel very bad..!! Hmph!!)

mcm same script different cast gituk kan...
Sha we shud sing diz song together, and den i will make a dedication especially for him...

den last two weeks he called me...
but now everytym he kol i shoot him la, like where's ur gerlfren, tak kol die ker and things like dat...
and to ma amazement, die ckp, sape nak matair dgn die(dat gerl) dah irritating, gemok plak tu....
i was like...
HEy! HELLO.... aku pon gemok gak tau...
den he was like, u lain....
(watever la ehk... tu ah saper suro make decision hastily... skaLi dah jumpe tak serasi... kan..kan..kan...)
den i was like, i tot u ngan die dah an item pe...
(coz he did update me bout diz gerl and all... dere's once he try to bangga2 kn so called "matair" die ni la, ckp die pon nyanyi nyer org.. den aku tanyela die masok aper comp... den die ckp tak la, die frequently go karaoke... DUH!! i'm not trying to b bitchy here, so wat if she goes karaoke ari2, meh sini ah challenge high note same aku.. wat da fuck!)
den die ckp, no la, die(dat gurl) cam tak je gituk...
(so kirekan he try to twist it ard ah, saying dat, he want her, but she like keep running away frm him kinda thing... pape la ehk)

den...den... after dat...
i got to noe sum of his gerlfrenz....
to make it short, most of dem says he's nice and all etc..etc...
(coz he sumtyms like to group chat.. and dat's how actually i got to noe "dat gerl" of him osos... to ma surprise dat gerl block me pat MSN... sial ah kirekan aku dah kene chop minah menyebok ah nie... guezz she damn me sak... i dun put da fault on her... kLau aku pon aku pon curiga sak..)

den juz now, die bingit ngan aku, ckp aku skrng dah lain, asek nak marah2 die jek....
(ntah la ehk, member tengah strezz kot... coz member die ngah gadoh ngan diz gerl online, den add aku in da chat... i was like, wat da hell... aku jadi mcm makcik kaypo gituk kan...)

den later, when i ask wat actually happen, die ckp yg kwn die tu ngan cintan-cinton ngan diz gerl, den dorng gadoh ah... den aku main2 ah ckp u guys mmg gitu pe... den he was like, " u ingat i playboy ker..."(mmbr den cam peng gitu ah...)

well here's da ans, playboy tu tak la... but sumwhere dere....
u suke2 panggil org darling la, tok so very da nice wif gerls la, step i-u, i-u... den skaLi pompan dah sangkot, u ckp, we frenz jek pe....
if dey, well WE, r ur frenz bebual step kau-aku jek la.. tak payah nak step polite pe.. it's irritating..

well usually he can take all ma so-call insults (well, joking2 pe) ntah apasal nari lain jek...
well kLau dorng tuu sume lain (coz i said la u all sume same kan), asal reaction pompan2 tu sume same, abeh tu suro aku tlg tenangkan da situation.. Duh?! aku ni saper nak tlg2 settlekan keadaan.... Wat da hell...

seriously ehk, kLau mmg die("DL") lain ( included tak pengecot, gentleman & not just a bloody sweet talker, tak kedekot and tak mintak2 duit pompan) for once, aku rela jilat balek aper yg aku ludah la ehk....

Shit, why diz tears welling up again....

SOCCER MANIA-soccer or... hmm.. hehee

2007-02-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

SINGAPORE WINSS!!!
hAhHAaa!!
duno what attracted me in watching soccer match....
like i never been bother to noe bout all diz stuffs den suddenly diz ASEAN match thingy izit..?
attracted me like super magnets..
Mayb bcoz of da gorgeous ppl kot...
Shahril Ishak-his brows is so happening, i juz LOVE dose kinda looks (ahaks!), ridhuan HOT, and Lionel SEXY booty.. Oops!!
HEHEeee... ;p
Watching soccer match is like so distressing....
tenogk citer antu pon aku tak terjeri-jerit gini rabak sak....
hahaaa!!
GOOD WERK BOYS!!

Jambu or wat...??!

2007-02-03T02:47:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well.....
juz chatted wif diz guy.. (yeah u guessed it ryt gerls, frm AM)...
known him for qiuet sumtym noe.. (bout 4-6month i think.. geesh.. dat's long hehee, but standard ah aku, bLom mit lagi....)
k well, if sum of u noe, i'm toking bout diz guy who had his own studio and all.. ( he's 29, but still hot i think.. hahaa!!) Juz put him as 'DB'...
Well, to make long story short, i juz got to know juz now dat he has a gerlfren.... a gerlfren!! i mean a STEADY GERLFREN!!!
Well, wat can i say den feel happy for him....
to think again, no wonder we still contacting each other despite of i havent met him even thou we had known for so long virtually....
kLau yg lain jgn harap nak tunggu lamer2....
Ween aku tau aper ko pikir if u were reading diz....
yea, very true, aku mati2 ingat die tunggu aku nie lamer...
hAhAaa!!
perasaaaaan sak nul...
i mean, standard per kLAu members pat net, susah nak carik yg stakat nak jadi members pe, usually dey desperately looking for relationship or cheap, ala u noe i noe la...
But for me, i dun think we had chatted like chatted ah... i mean, he's quite secretive and too polite la, so nak chat on certain things like kinda difficult, think dat's y i juz noe bout da gerlfren thingy, if only i had asked him earlier, takde la aku perasan berok camni kan... He's a nice guy la, so aku cam jadi biol jap skrng nie...

den he asked bout me plak...
And he's very da surprised dat i'm single...
he was like, "Jamz mcm gini takde...? susah nak caye...?"
(hehe paiseh sak aku, die mmg panggil aku jamz-jambu ah kirekan, tahan muntah korng ehk... aku tau, aku pon tengah tahan nafas nie pasal seluar aku dah ketat sangat... hAhAa!!)

Wif a sudden, tears well-up in ma eyes....
i was like, jambu or wat....
if i am la, y i dun hav a single ex yet..?
or mayb blom ader guyz yg brani enuff to approach me or to play ma kinda games?
(well guyz, i'm not an easy type for ur info..)
watever la.... it really bothers me a bit....
and if dat wat attracted da opposite sex i dun really mind, but i juz despised dose boys/guys/men who actually attracted to "jambu" gerls juz bcoz of lust...

Jambu uh...

Still i dun c maself as jambu yet....
well, ppl neva get satisfied ryt...

i duno...
izit sumthing wrong wif me, or dem.....
Or mayb, i'm juz sumthing nice to see but not yet to own...

watever........

::Missing::

2007-02-02T07:23:00.000+08:00

I'm so missing a lot of things lately....
Other den, da laughters of ma gerlfrenz, da fun dat we hav wif ma pri skool peepz (i'm so missing u eis... hAhAhaa!!), iTE cliques-all of dem, i mean all, frm Stardom, imah, da dance ppl, da performances dat i missed doing & got to noe peepz frm dere too... and all dose ppl which i had came across... not forgetting Palin acquantaince..
ALL....

If i noe ma life is gona b diz way....

Well...
if only i can turn back time, b more stubborn, run away frm home, b wat i wana b, rather den such an idiotic filial daughter which i so feel not being appreciated at all.....
At least if i dun hav an education, i shud have achieved wat i wanted now.....
Be wat i wana b.... B sumbody... being appreciated, at least by others....

I duno y,
i think i been missing and missed a lots of things in life...
And it's already 1st Feb...
i think i shud start keeping records of wat i had achieve or done per monthly thingy...

Missing sumone..??
Practically,dat sumone uh... who siah..?
well, to think again, if dey dun, y muz i ryt...
(SHIT.. i hate it if diz happens, me and ma self-denial, DEGiLZz)

well, as dose who noes me (really noes me)..
i dun really call ppl...
dat is like one of ma phobia...
it's a long story.... to make it short... i dun really call ppl since i'm small and i usually hav diz fear dat, da ppl i call mite b bz, or mite think i'm b irritate dem, or mite think dat "well she will usually calls when she nid our help" dat kinda thing... to summarize it i scared being rejected or feel as if i was... Yeah i admit i scared being rejected... Coz i think i hav ma self-pride here to taken care of.. (well ma alter ego la) watever...
& if i "manage" to call dat sumone (well juz take dat as a stranger, well he/dey is/are stranger/s ryt..? to think dat i dun really noe dem..) I feel like i really did it, putting aside ma ego, ma fear all aside, and juz face wat shall happen...
but sume juz duno....
So here, i missed dose ppl calling me.. dose "Strangers"...

*sigh...

Bored.....

2007-02-02T06:53:00.000+08:00

Well,
finished skool, nothing to do... Slacking all day...
Nagging all da time....

Life damn bored....
No skool...
No job...
No money...
No boyfren...
well, lucky dere's ma frenz and iLa ard.... (thnk god)

I feel so incomplete.....

Wat da hell i want...

Hhmph....